ROT: ALEX'S TREASURE

It's been quite some time since I've posted a Random Object Thursday and today's is something a little different, it's actually 4 random objects.

As I was sifting through old jackets to sell in our yard sale this week, I found my daughters old rain slicker from when she was about 5-6. While rummaging through the pockets of this pink shiny plastic coat with a big pink cat on it, I found a pocket with a zipper. Inside I discovered a big metal nut, a grape hard candy, a penny and a soft rubber snake toy. All of which I could see my daughter thinking was treasure when she was that age or possibly even now. Who am I kidding, I'd even think it was awesome if I found those in my coat pocket!

ROT: TOFURKY

It's Thanksgiving and a Thursday? What better time to post a miscellaneous item that fits the holiday and Random Object Thursday! It's been such a long time since I've done a ROT anyways. So I chose the main course of Nicky, Paladin and I's (my daughter Alex still eats meat) feast, the Tofurky. It might look odd but we salivate all year long for this yummy meal. The funny thing is, I still cook my mothers real turkey too. So a dead bird is in the oven at the same time as my testament to veganism. How's that for ironic.

Anyways, Happy Thanksgiving, eat hearty and spread love.

ROT: PUMPKIN DOODLE

This is at the top of my notepad that I use at work. Sometimes there are gaps before meetings and I get bored easy. So... I doodle. That's it. No great story behind this weeks post. Hell, it's technically not even an object unless I'm claiming the notepad itself. Just a crappy sketch.
The end.

ROT: OLD BLACK CHUCKS

These Chuck Taylor's are about six years old and have walked me through countless good times and bad. Some people might look at them and use words like dirty, ripped or busted to describe them. I would use terms like venerable, comfortable and enduring. Held together by duct tape, my shoddy stitching and dirt, I think they make a punk road scholar statement. If you look closely, you can still see "fuck authority" that I wrote in sharpie on the side when I first got these back in college in Norfolk.

On that same college thought, these were actually one of the first conversation starters between Nicky and I. When I first cam strutting into class rockin' them fresh out of the box, she complimented me on them. Yup... chicks dig shoes.

Anyways, I love these shoes.

ROT: PHOROPTER

Today's random object is the device the eye doc uses while saying "Which looks clearer… number one or number two? Three or four?" or something along those lines. I shot it with my cell phone while waiting in my eye surgeons examination room. Everyone is familiar with this thing but I had never heard it's actual name before. I hate not knowing something which means I did some Googling. I found out it's called a Phoropter. Yep, I will probably never remember that. But hey, now you know too!

ROT: BAD MOTHER FUCKER WALLET

I am an animal rights activist and I do my best not to consume, purchase or own anything that contains animal products. It's for this reason that the giver of this gift was worried that I might not accept this as a present on my 30th birthday. But this wallet is an ode to one of my all time favorite flicks, Pulp Fiction. That and it came from my best friend Rick Riley who is as close to me as possible without actually being blood. It is for those two epic reasons alone, that I proudly carry this as my only possession that was spawned from the misfortune of another creature.

So the next time you are searching for my wallet in a sack as you're attempting to rob me, it's the one that says BAD MOTHER FUCKER on it.

Get some.

ROT: CAT ANDIRON

This little bugger is just the face shot for one of the black cat iron andirons we sell at my work. He's so freaking cool looking that I have this exact picture posted in my office. He glares at me all day long and reminds me of my kitty Vixen that loves to glare at everyone. If I had a fireplace, I'd have these marble eyed meanies fo sho!

Photo Credit: Flint Hannah

ROT: BLUE COFFEE MUG

I love me some java. This week I was sick for two days and only drank orange juice at work. But when I finally got to sip on a cup of everyone's favorite legal speed, I was in heaven. So I figured I would pick my fairly generic dark blue coffee mug for Random Object Thursday this week. I found it for less than a buck in the clearance section of a Dillion's, Wichita's biggest grocery chain. What a steal! Oh and yes, that is a CD sleeve I'm using as a coaster because yes, I am that ghetto.

ROT: NO SPEAK MONKEY

Nicky has a thing for those quarter machines that are filled with cheap little toys locked inside clear-domed "Easter" eggs. I can't say that I blame her, I love those machines too. Toys rule. I try to remember to keep fifty cents in my pocket every time we go grocery shopping just as my mother did for my brother and I. Nothing lights up her face like a cute little plastic animal.

This little dude she surprised me with one day coming back from lunch. She got herself one too of course but it definitely made me crack a grin. Mine currently sits atop my computer.


p.s. Man I really suck at keeping my Thursday posts on actual Thursday! My bad... again.

ROT: THE FRANKFORMER

Typically I do Random Object Thursday with images of things that I physically find. But rules are meant to be broken. I stumbled on something, via the amazing interwebz, that was just too crazy to pass up talking about.

I have found the coolest wiener altering device on earth. No, it has nothing to do with any pumping mechanisms you sickos. It's for your hot dogs! I discovered the The FrankFormer, A made in the USA device that turns ordinary franks into little creatures. You stick your cylindrical meat-typed object into the little plastic pod you see below, close it, and it cuts a face, legs and arms into it, creating a weenie person. Genius!

ROT: PINKY RING

You might have noticed that I wear a metallic ring on my little finger of my left hand. Where did it come from? I stole it from Nicky. Where did she get it? She stole it from her friend Tiffany. Where did she get it? She stole it... well, I don't know where she stole it from or if she even stole it in the first place. But I would like to think she did and that one day someone will steal it from me and so on for all of eternity.

Anyways, I wear it so it looks like a solid band. It in fact has a butterfly and *gag* tribal sprouting from each wing. I decided it's probably best to keep that hidden if I still want to call myself a heterosexual male.

ROT: FOAMING HAND SOAP

This is the second Random Object Thursday in a row that I have forgotten to post on it's proper day! Man, I am slacking. I have been bad... spanking anyone? *ahem* Anyways...

I shot this in my bathroom at work with my crappy cell phone camera so please excuse it's poopiness, no pun intended. I decided to feature this because it randomly has a short story behind it. When I first started at the job I have now I was using this after I would wash my hands with another soap. I wasn't paying attention and I thought it was foaming hand sanitizer that you rub in like the alcohol based versions. I thought I was being extra sanitary but I was just coating my hands with soap. What's worse is I did it for like three or four weeks before I actually noticed.

Label reading fail.

ROT: CELEBRATOR GOAT

I know, I know... I forgot about Random Object Thursday again. I was in Kansas City all day at the doctors office and it slipped my mind. My bad!

This weeks object is a goat. No not a live goat unfortunately but a little plastic one. It came on a beer I randomly picked up. The beer was pretty stout and it kind of punches you in the mouth like a bitter ram horn. But not bad at all! I ended up keeping this little trinket for my X-mas tree this year. It proudly sat on the highest branch to celebrate my love for beer.

ROT: DEATH OF SUPERMAN ARM BAND

In my youth I collected lots of comics. X-Men (namely Wolverine), Spawn, Batman... these were my top heros. On the other side of the spectrum, one of my least favorites was Superman. Though probably the most powerful of them all, I just wasn't into him. For me he was just too damn goody goody. So when I first heard news that there was going to be a Death of Superman saga, I was first in line to get all the copies. One of the special editions of the full story came with this black armband. I have since lost the book and really, I could care less. But I recently found this little nerdy keepsake buried in my closet. What more fitting for Random Object Thursday than a random find like that!

ROT: COIN BLOCK

Mario has been in my life, as well as most of my generations, since we were children. We all grew up with this fat, mustached, over happy, spitfire, plumber. Together we fought dinosaur typed monsters, stomped mean mushroom creatures , kicked the shells of countless turtle varmints and even threw veggies at a toad king. To do all this ass whipping he had to have a little help from his odd yet powerful arsenal. Flying wing caps, frog suits, magic whistles, water pumping backpacks... the works. But his foes have a rockin' selection of death dealing devices as well like flying warships laced with cannons and flame throwers, magic wand wielding wizards, floating fishing cloud men and tons of ticking time bombs running amok. How does a lowly plumber live through an endless onslaught of bad guys who have equal to or greater power items? All the coins he has scavenged in his adventures of course! These little "1-up" earning golden goodies are typically punched out of question marked coin blocks like the one you see below.

So in honor of this pudgy, Italian-American, red suited, mushroom kingdom madman, I keep a little coin block on my desk at work. It sits under my Mac waiting for someone to steal the secret treasures inside. Unfortunately there aren't any real gold coins in there, just cute little Smarties style candy versions.

ROT:THE COOKIE MONSTER

I found this plastic idol to the blue Sesame Street cookie crack head on the living room floor of my brothers home. I'm sure he's gone on some amazing adventures living in a house where two awesome little girls run amok. Alas, I have not a single random story of my own with this itty bitty toy save that I know I have stepped on him barefoot in the middle of the night.


Now for our regularly scheduled program:
COooOOOOooooOKiiiIIIiiiiIIIE!!!!

ROT: SWITCHBLADE

Everyone should carry a knife on them. I feel like I'm missing an essential piece of me when I forget my blade. Think of all the uses!?

Caught in your seat belt in a car accident? Slice! Need to rend the meal you just caught? Hack! Can't open your pack of bubble gum? Slash! The Joker got you backed into a corner and the end is in sight? Stab!

I think you see my point. Get it... point!?
*ahem*
Never mind.
This one is a ten dollar piece of crap I got online but it still does the job.

ROT: VEGETARIAN BEANS

Nicky and I got this can of beans from her mother in one of her random goody packages she likes to send. If you read the label you'll notice it says that it's distributed by the USDA. These are Uncle Sam's vegetarian beans! Now her mother doesn't get government assistance so I have no idea where in the heck she got these. How's that for random?


P.s. For those that pay attention, sorry for not posting on Thursday. I got all wrapped up in my daughter coming over and my old friend Ben and his Wife Megan coming to town. But I went ahead and dated this post for Thursday anyways.

ROT: SPANISH FLY SHOT GLASS

My dear old friend Dennis Ruiz Morales, the Puerto Rican pimp, got me this shot glass while vacationing in the Bahamas. Though I am as white as a piece of rice, floating in a glass of milk, on a paper plate in a snow storm, I still have the last name of Garcia. So his nickname for me was the white Mexican. Thus when he sees something with a hispanic logo on it he just has to get it for me. This little piece of glass and I have seen many a shot of tequila and there will be countless more to come. I would say "Oh the memories we have shared" but I can't honestly remember some of them. Hooray for tequila!

ROT: CHANDRIKA AYURVEDIC SOAP

Chandrika Ayurvedic soap from India is the bomb and is perfect for this weeks Random Object Thursday. This little green bar makes my skin have a glorious aroma that lasts unlike most chemical and perfume ridden soaps. It has coconut, orange, wild ginger, lime peel, hydnocarpus and sandalwood oils all mixed in for the perfect scent. My skin doesn't get dried out either like after traditional cleansers. Best of all, it doesn't contain any animal products nor is it tested on animals, it's all from vegetables. Plus, it's only a dollar at most natural or organic grocery markets like Whole Foods or Organic Food Depot. It's the greatest soap on earth!

Now what about that name? Ayurveda is a word from Sanskrit that translates as the science of life. Ayurvedic spiritual masters believe that all living things are based on underlying energies and Ayurveda was developed to balance them and promote health. So scrubbing my prone, masculine, body with this lathery goodness must be the reason why I kick so much ass and have beaten death more times than I can count. That and I'm a ninja.