YOU FORGOT YOUR CAMERA AGAIN?!

It's pretty normal for someone to ask if brought my camera at every event that I ever go to. More often than not, I do honestly forget about it. But occasionally I leave it at home on purpose. When someone gives me shit for not having it, I usually just joke around and say "I must be the worst photographer ever!" On the inside though, I'm smirking.

Why?

It's true that my life revolves around art. Photography is indeed my biggest passion but it's also my job. Let's say you're a chef and you slave over a hot stove all day. Wouldn't it get old to be expected to fixed gourmet meals for every event you ever went to? I image even Emeril enjoys getting cooked for when he's not on the clock.

It's nice to just enjoy events like everyone else and not be expected to run around with a lens strapped to your face.

99 PROBLEMS

So it's twangy rock and the chorus was straight up stolen from Jay-Z but I'm diggin' it.



Now for the dope Jay-Z version!

CREEPY GRINS

My 3D Design class resides on the opposite end of the campus from my History of Western Music class. On the long walk there and back, I noticed quite a few different people smiling. Normally this isn't concerning, but something was off. They were sporting big teethy grins for no apparent reason. They weren't talking to anyone, they were all just walking alone. Let me be crystal clear as these weren't just little pleasant lip curls. These were massive cheek stretching grins that would make the Joker cringe.

As I studied these oddities from behind my mirrored shades, I noticed that their smiles were perpetual. When I would spot a grinner, I watched their mannerisms and facial gestures for as long as possible but the expression never changed. There were no indicators that something was causing these smiles either. There were no comedians swilling off jokes on the campus loud speakers. There wasn't a headset in their ear to receive witty banter from. They weren't looking at their phone and reading Chuck Norris jokes. The smile was just there, stamped on like a clown cattle brand.

I'm all for spreading love and I'm obviously an advocate for life, liberty and that whole pursuit of happiness bit. But what the hell is so amusing? Are they high on life? Did they snort some of the new and improved Joker brand products? Could they be infiltrator robots stuck on chipper? How do they keep their teeth from drying out? Maybe that's the issue. Their teeth have dried out which caused their lips to stick in that eternal stalker smirk.

What ever it was that made these freaks contort their face like that, it creeped me out.

MOVIE REVIEW: HOBO WITH A SHOTGUN

Short (Semi Spoiler Free) Verdict
A vagrant with a heart of gold befriends a down-and-out hooker in a town ripe with corruption. Sounds like a semi-family friendly movie doesn't it? Well hide the kids and lock away the squeamish. This flick is filled with perversion, filth and gallons of gore. If you like chaos and low budget grind house flicks, this film is for you.
Movie Stars: ★★★★☆


Full Review (SPOILER ALERT)
It's no secret that I love random as I say it all the damn time. So when a film pays homage to that ideal, I have to give it bonus points. This movie does random plenty of justice and serves it up on a slice of bloody toast. Dirty dialog, vicious kill scenes, the occasional nudity and all strung together with a lose yet entertaining plot. It's like that skanky booty call that you can't help but enjoy yet you're too embarrassed to tell anyone about. But I say crack a 40 and dive right in you sick freaky degenerate!

Rutger Hauer was the perfect choice for the hobo on a quest for justice. He's got piercing eyes, a slightly raspy voice and his naturally gritty persona make him seem like life has ridden him harder than most as is. He's still bad ass yet his age is definitely catching up to him. I think it really adds to the character! His acting was pretty decent, for this film anyways. But the acting was never intended to be stellar in this movie. It's supposed to feel cheap and campy. Hell, the movie is in Technicolor so what do you expect? Don't knock it though, I personally think that made it even better.

The bad guys were all pretty cool, the gore was hilariously off the charts and the ending was rad. I must say that I walked away from this with a gigantic smile on my twisted little face. Fair waring though, if you see this make sure that you are prepared for a movie so terrible that it's awesome. If you dig crappy horror/action flicks, this one is in line with the best of them.

Poster Examination
I really can't say too much about this poster. It goes perfectly with the feel of the movie and portrays just enough samples of chaos to peak your curiosity. The fact that they made it look like a turdy old deteriorated 70's handbill is quite fitting.
Poster Stars: ★★★★★


Trailer Analysis
Rutger Hauer's "hobo like me" monologue was perfect for the trailer. The biggest issue that I have with this trailer is the length and that it shows a tad too much. I'd start by replacing all the stuff between his speech and the title shot with him on the rocks. I'd pick the top 5 to 10 shotgun blast scenes, cut them nice and short and splice them together for a quick 5-10 second carnage montage. Slide that bad boy in there and this baby would be golden!
Trailer Stars: ★★★★☆


On a side note, if you dug this movie go try to find Street Trash. Hobo definitely has parallels and pays solid tribute to the preceding Street Trash's offensive and cheap reputation. It's also one of my favorite crappy movies.

SEX OR JIZZ

It's Valentine's Day and I expect to hear everyone to be singing this at some point.



or at least this:

PINK PRINCESS OF ASS KICKING

I have to do a little bragging about my awesome daughter Alexandria. This weekend she had her first karate tournament and she kicked a lot of ass. She got first place in strongest kick, first place in strongest punch and second place in the sparring tournament! I was so proud that I could have almost exploded. I would have been beaming had she been in a ballerina dance off or something but this is strait up butt whipping action. What more could a manly father ask for? Here she is right after she won her three medals.
But wait, there's more!

Together we have been watching the old X-Men: The Animated Series from back in the 90's. I still find it entertaining and Alex has really taken a shine to it. Who did she choose as her favorite character? None other than Wolverine, my favorite. I had zero influence on that too! She had no idea I even liked the X-Men or had a box full of his old comics from when I was her age. Again, my little black heart swelled with pride. So in honor of her martial arts mastery and her new appreciation for super powered mutants, I took her to the comic shop for the first time. She picked out her first comic novel, Wolverine and Jubilee. It was a cool find as her second favorite character just so happens to be Jubilee.
My daughter is not just a pink princess anymore but a pink princess that can knock your teeth out. It makes me grin just typing it. This was an awesome weekend indeed.

2012 CANDIDATE MATCH GAME

I just took this presidential candidate questionnaire and I have to say that it is pretty rad. It hit who I want for president spot on and my number two was who I expected it to be. If you're honest and read the questions and answers thoroughly, I think this might help you find who you really should be picking. It's a quick quiz and I recommend it!

CLUSTERED WITH CRETINS

I am so tired of teachers sticking everyone in groups. I have an incredibly high track record of getting stuck with douche nozzles that drive me nuts and have terrible ideas. When I am not grouped with a dill hole, I get adhered to a lazy turd that causes everyone else to pick up the slack. I understand that we are ganged together to help us interact, network and meet new people. I also know that this flock mentality is meant to facilitate the growth of group cohesion and teamwork skills. Plus, we are supposed to be able to bounce ideas off one another in an attempt to find a truly stellar concept.

Unfortunately, great ideas and team ass kicking rarely happens. I usually get annoyed and do what I want to do anyways. If my hands are tied by the instructor or the collection of morons is just too powerful, then I do what I can to salvage the lousy idea. After a while, I would rather succumb then debate with retards. But I shouldn't have to! I am paying for my education after all. To put it bluntly with a touch of uncouth, I am better when I am not bothered by cretins.

Think about it. How many artists do you know run in a pack? I can hardly name any famous works created by a duo, let alone a big group. Large scale projects are always helmed by just one person. Artists by nature are generally loaners and in desperate need of attention. This is why their profession is to create spectacles of awe. They want to be the center of your artistically awakened universe. If you are an artist, just be honest. You secretly think that every other art freak is garbage and you are split 50/50 with loving and loathing those that are worth a damn.

I liken artists to super villains with their crazy outfits and eccentric personalities. Shadowed by a cloud of melancholy, they want their own schemes to annihilate your mind. Most of the time these ideas are foiled or fall short, yet they never give up. When these bastards amass, each will fight together to conquer the objective at hand. If given the chance though, each will turn on the others if their idea has a real chance of succeeding. The whole scene is very dog eat dog, just prettier.

Anyways, I do enjoy collaborating with like-minded freethinkers but those are in short supply. Hence why I tend to work alone. If I am forced (the keyword there being forced as in I have no choice) to work with a team of halfwits, I will fight to take the title of leader. Then if your ideas are not in semi-alignment with my own, to hell with you! I will set fire to your project and howl like the almighty Skeletor.