BIOSHOCK 3

It's no secret that I have a ginormous love for the Bioshock franchise and that both installments are in my top 10 games of all time. It's dark, creepy, well storied, has great characters and it's set in one of my favorite time frames, the 1960's. It has a soundtrack from the 30's, 40's and 50's that fits perfectly with the crumbling art deco styled environment. The thought of being trapped under so much crushing water in the murky depths is a frightening thought. But then you add in that the place is falling apart and that there are psychos running rampant with super powers? Genius!

Unfortunately, that appears to be gone. Bioshock 3 is set in the bright sky?! Doesn't sound too dismal and frightening to me. There is still that "trapped in the complex" feeling and stepping outside means almost certain doom. I still have my doubts though. Plus no big daddy or lil sister story?! Personally, that's what made it really strike home.

But you know I'll give it a shot. I haven't been let down so far so I can't just write it off yet. Check out the debut trailer.

TOILET SEAT WARMTH

One of the most physically unsettling experiences is when you sit on a public commode and the seat is warm. I realize that it's going to get used by other people and that's a risk you take. That's just too close of a sharing period for me. But sometimes your bung tells you when it's time to go and you just have to make a mad dash. When you hit the toilet and you feel that balmy heat your lip curls and your gag reflex starts to kick in. Here are ten thoughts that might pop into your head.


1. If the seat is still warm then there are probably fresh cooties still wiggling around.

2. Hundreds upon hundreds of icky cheeks have hit that seat.

3. Most people are sweaty, hairy, unsanitary beasts.

4. The gas station attendant who stands around all day, mouth agape, doesn't give a rats ass about bathroom cleanliness. Plus he most likely won't even clean until the end of his shift... unless someone ralphs or sprays poo all over. Ew.

5. How many diseases can be transferred via toilet seats.

6. Even if you covered the seat with four strips or more of TP, gaps and slipping happen.

7. The moron who scrawled something about your mother and a good time on the stall wall probably wasn't really paying attention to how well or where he wiped.

8. Your butt just kind of kissed another person of the same sex's butt. That's weird even if you're gay.

9. Dry, wadded or folded up, handfuls of thin paper, not only aren't very protective but also don't really clean the "affected" area very well.

10. Nicolas Cage probably sat on that seat not 30 seconds before you.


Kinda makes you want to take along your own seat bib and a huge can of Lysol. It's either that or work on your hovering bombardier skills.

Happy pooping!

ROT: THE HOBBIT

Today's item for Random Object Thursday is something near and dear to my heart. It's J.R.R. Tolkien's classic, The Hobbit. Now don't write me off as one of those delusional geeks that larps out in the woods throwing tinfoil at people and calling it a lighting bolt just yet. I hold a spot in my heart for this book not just because it's a great fantasy adventure story but also because my dear old mum read it to me. Wait... that doesn't help my case much does it?

My mother used to read this book (and many others) to my brother and I as children. This novel above all others got read to us the most. Dragons, giant spiders, rings that make you invisible? It's a tale guaranteed to make any kid smile and have amazing visions. Now given, my mother is a hippie so she enjoyed it immensely too. So if it's nerdy to love this book then I'm a nerd damn it. I bet I can still kick your ass regardless.


P.S. Want to see an interesting movie about larping? Check this out.

TRON

Watching movies is one of my favorite things ever. It kicks even more ass to see flicks on the big ole silver screen, preferably in THX. The only issue is the cost. The rad Warren theaters in town cost ten bucks a person. Slap on two bucks extra for films in 3D, the cost of your date and/or kids tickets and then possibly concessions? It becomes one costly excursion. Since it's so pricey, I pick and choose my features more carefully. There are plenty of movies coming out that I want to see but only a few I see the day they are released at full cost.

The current movie that really makes my arms hairs tingle is Tron: Legacy. I am uber stoked to see this dark, futuristic, video game based, neon infused, adventure. Even with a description like that it gets better… it's in 3D and Daft Punk did the soundtrack! *faint*

I still remember renting the original from off the ninety nine cent rack on VHS when I was a kid. I was blown away! The special effects are going to be obviously leaps and bounds over the original but it's still worth watching. You got to at least fill yourself in on the back story!

Original Tron Trailer:
(1982)



Tron: Legacy Trailer:
(2010)

LOUDER IS BETTER

I came to the re-realization of a very simple concept recently. Louder is better. Politicians are more believable when they're boisterous, punk shows make your adrenaline pump when they're ear-splitting and muscle cars make people drool when they growl and rumble so deeply that it shakes neighborhood windows. I mean, who would go to a quiet symphony or a whispering comedy show?

The reason this has become apart to me once again is because of where I dwell. You see, in Virginia and pretty much for all my life since I was like 11, I've lived in apartments. A man made ant hill where you fart too thunderously and the bitchy old lady up stairs might come rapping on your door.

But here in Kansas I live in a house. My house. I sing until my voice cracks, I stomp around like a Clydesdale and my stereo is typically always maxed. Now my video games are more intense and my movies make your eyes water.

Piss on apartments. I love being noisy.

ROT: CLOTH CUPCAKE

What's on the menu for todays Random Object Thursday? A cloth cupcake courtesy of my niece Gillian. This cute, soft and fun toy is not only part of a full children's cooking set but also makes a great projectile. Beware the cupcake of DOOM!

DRAMA ON THE HIGHWAY

This weekend I was taking my daughter home when my right front tire blew out. Now when I say blew out, I mean freaking obliterated. I would have changed the tire immediately but I had another blow out just last week so my spare was in use until I could buy a replacement with this paycheck. So I get on the shoulder and called my little bro to come to our rescue.

Richard quickly shows up and I throw the previously blown tire that was in the back of my truck into his car and drive off to find the closet tire joint. Unfortunately it's Sunday so all the used tire places are closed and I have to dish out a chunk of change for a brand new tire.

I race back and as I'm halfway through getting the blown tire off the truck, in the rain I might add, a cop pulls up. He struts down the shoulder and proceeds to bark at me to get off the highway. He snaps at me that I can get killed out here then orders me to call a tow truck or drive it on the rim down the highway to the nearest exit.

"Drive on the rim!? So... tear up my truck or call a tow. Basically spend more money or spend more money is what you're saying?" I say.

He aggressively replies "It's either that or die!"

"Don't you have road flares or something we can use?"

"No."

"But I have the flat down to one bolt and I'll be done in a flash. Plus your lights are on behind us for people to see and avoid." I say.

"Put it back on." He snaps.

I begrudgingly put the nuts back on whilst controlling me temper, lower the jack and I try to start the truck but the battery was dead. Though before I can do anything about it the cop calls a tow truck. Didn't ask, didn't see if I had insurance, even after I had made it apparent that I didn't want to drop more money on this incident. So instead of having my daughter wait with us for a tow truck on the highway I leave my brother with the cop and take her to her mother.

When I return though my brother tells me the cop was being a prick towards me saying all kinda of stuff including "He's got and attitude problem."

Which in turn my brother replied "Well his car is broken down on the highway in the rain."

"Well whatever… why do you care and why are you even here?"

"Uh… I'm his brother!? Richard counters.

Needless, asinine, hostility. And people ask me why I have authority issues and have no love for the police. I broke down on the highway... so sorry to challenge your authority like that! Please flex your badge!

Anyways, it was a poopie day. Now that I've bitched, I feel better!

I CAN'T WATCH WALL-E

I love the movie Wall-E. It's cute, original and super detailed. I really get a kick from it touching base on how humans are currently sucking. We are too lazy, overweight, fickle, have that mindless herd mentality, revel in conformity and mediocrity and consume too much junk. It shows how we are destroying our environment and that big business is going to eventually rule everything. But even with all that, it also shows we have the ability to change. I'm only writing about it because I watched it with my daughter and Nicky again. Thus I was reminded why I now avoid it.

My problem with this amazing cartoon is the love aspect. Wall-E loves Eve so much that it makes me all misty eyed. He's old, kind of broken down, simple and would do anything just to hold her hand. He gets mangled and beaten at every turn for her. Then when she finally comes around... oh lawd, I have to fight the water works. Every time I hear her desperately saying Wall-E's name, my bottom lip starts to quiver. For some reason this movie tugs the crap out of my heart strings. I spend parts of the movie looking away so I don't freaking cry. I'm a grown ass man for Pete's sake!

Anyways, it's a phenomenal flick but just don't ask me to watch it with you. *sniffle*

ROT: OLD SKATE

Yep, you read it right. I'm officially making Random Object Tuesday pompously cool by shortening the title to ROT. I know it's only the second entry but hey... it's better to burn out than to fade away. Now on with the show!

My second odd item up for display is this beautiful antique roller skate. Found (as a pair) at a garage sale for two dollars talked down from five. I have no reason what so ever for buying them but I had to have them. They now rest on my old uber short "sit on the floor" desk that I also just had to have from a thrift store. Pointless to waste your money on these stupid things you might say? I don't care. That's how my mommy made me.

CHICKS VS ROBOTICS

On Facebook today, my good friend Kat had an update saying "If men gave us woman as much attention as a Playstation we would be constantly satisfied". I do agree but it really made me think about the other side of the argument. Also, I'm not limiting this to only Playstation or even video games in general. I kinda think of it more as automatous forms of entertainment.

The Artificial Pluses:
-One push of a button and it's ready to make you smile.
-It never tires.
-It never lies.
-It will give you happiness at anytime, day or night.
-It's up for quickies.
-It role plays a billion different personalities.
-If you don't like something you can easily upgrade to make it fit your needs.
-It doesn't talk back or nag or yell or cry to get it's way.
-It doesn't hold a grudge or bring up billion year old crap just to try and win an argument.
-It won't cheat on you but will gladly have orgies with your friends.
-It won't leave you randomly after years of love but totally won't care if you do.
-It won't yell or nag at you.
-It's doesn't have a core of reason surrounded by a sea of emotional land mines.

The Intimate Companion Pluses:
-It will have sex with you.

So in the end, the girls win but man what a fight! Mark my words girlies, one day there will be cyborgs or pleasure bots or something like that and they will have sex with us. On that day women, beware.

Note: This also applies to same sex or whatever sex partners you might have. Booyah.

HOOTER SHOOTERS

I'm on this site, Model Mayhem, that connects photographers, models, make-up specialists, retouchers and artists. It's a pretty decent site and I've found a lot of great talent on there. My complaint though isn't with the site. It's with the massive amount of so called "photographers" that infest it, and the rest of the art world for that matter, like a spreading cancer. There are so many turds floating around it's like a backed up septic tank. But today I'm only ranting about one variant, the hooter shooter.

I want to point out first that nude photography isn't the issue at all. It's the ones that use it as a way of seeing girls naked and produce shoddy work that really chap my hide. They confuse these poor, desperate to feel attractive, women into thinking that this is what photography and art is all about. The models assume that what's given to them is good work, thus giving decent photogs a bad name. These cretins only picked up a camera because it gave them an excuse to capture as many defenseless and exposed girls as possible.

Again, there are those artists out there that do create great works involving or centered around nudity. Hell, even Playboy has class when it comes to nudity. The ones I'm talking about like to snap women in their poorly lit trailer showers, capture them in unflattering angles in their messy bedrooms or tie them up in what is obviously a park in some failed attempt at edgy bondage art. Bad lighting, feeble editing, terrible poses, stupid concepts (hold this knife or gun... naked!) and I can only imagine what their "studio" looks and smells like. They feed on the basic want for attention. They gloat as often as possible about how many nudes they have. They are not artists, they're soulless, cheap, smut peddling, sleaze bags and they are making it hard on the rest of the real photographers out there.

POST BIRTHDAY WRAP UP

It was a fun birthday for me yesterday filled with great live music, delicious cigars, endlessly flowing alcohol and plenty of good times. I just had to share the funniest tidbit of the evening with everyone.

When Nicky, Jennifer and I were headed back from the bar to my house (which is right by the highway) we saw that the fuzz had pulled someone over. So as I'm booing, Nicky whips the car across from them and turns up her dance music as loud it will go. Jennifer and her then immediately exit the vehicle and dance at the police in some misguided attempt at contempt and mockery. Take that coppers!

Here's what they were boogieing too. (Sorry for the crappy video... it's all I could find.)

IT'S MY BIRTHDAY TODAY...

...and I demand you all to rock!



(Oh how I love Brody Dalle... mmm.)

RANDOM OBJECT THURSDAY: PIG CORN HOLDER

I don't think Thursday gets enough love (at least from me that is) sitting next to Hump Day Wednesday and End of the Week Friday… until now! I've decided to make today Random Object Thursday from here on out.

As you may or may not know, my current day job is being a production/graphic artist. I typically just clean up images for the web of various stuff the company I work for sells. It ranges from pools to grills to oven mitts. One of my favorite things in life is obviously randomness. So today's random object is something I web enabled for work, a pig corn holder. It's cute yet strangely uncomfortable seeing as there are sharp objects jutting out of his split torso.



Shot by Flint Hannah for DTY Direct.

RAD

I noticed I say the term "rad" a lot when I like something. I thought to myself this morning, am I really using the word in the right context? Does slang supersede the actual meaning? Do I really debate with myself about such trivial things like word usage?

Rad is short for radical which I know as being defined as something atypical. Like a radical idea or a person with totally different or even "crazy" point of view. So I delved into online definition resources. I started with Dictionary.com which defines it as follows. Oh and I added my own commentary of course.

rad·i·cal [rad-i-kuhl] –adjective
1. of or going to the root or origin; fundamental: a radical difference. (Different, check.)
2. thoroughgoing or extreme, esp. as regards change from accepted or traditional forms: a radical change in the policy of a company. (Way better.)
3. favoring drastic political, economic, or social reforms: radical ideas; radical and anarchistic ideologues. (Hell yes!)
4. forming a basis or foundation. (Boring.)
5. existing inherently in a thing or person: radical defects of character. (interesting)
6. Mathematics . (Math = boring)
  a. pertaining to or forming a root.
  b. denoting or pertaining to the radical sign.
  c. irrational ( def. 5b ) .
7. Grammar . of or pertaining to a root. (Snooze fest.)
8. Botany . of or arising from the root or the base of the stem. (Who determined it was going to be used for this!? I revoke this meaning.)
–noun
9. a person who holds or follows strong convictions or extreme principles; extremist. (Back to the awesome definition!)
10. a person who advocates fundamental political, economic, and social reforms by direct and often uncompromising methods. (Repeat from above… but still a win.)
11. Mathematics . (Oh crap not again.)
  a. a quantity expressed as a root of another quantity.
  b. the set of elements of a ring, some power of which is contained in a given ideal.
  c. radical sign.
12. Chemistry . (Great, now for mathematics comparably boring cousin... Chemistry)
  a. group ( def. 3 ) .
  b. free radical.
13. Grammar . root ( def. 11 ) . (This word has far too many definition entries.)
14. (in Chinese writing) one of 214 ideographic elements used in combination with phonetics to form thousands of different characters. (WTF! That was out of left field.)

Now here's the fun one. Urbandictionary.com's first entry says:

An abbreviation of 'radical'--a term made popular by the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. (I love TMNT!) Still primarily used by people on the West Coast who find words like 'cool', 'awesome', and 'tight' to be tired and overused; 'rad' is generally considered to be a much higher praise than the aforementioned superlatives. Also used as a general expression of awe.
"Those are some rad shoes."
"Oh, RAD."

How informative! After that enlightening lesson, I think I will continue to slide in rad when I like something as often as possible. Now that I also know it's endorsed by the Ninja Turtles, West Coast nonconformists and it stands for anarchistic ideologues, I think I might have found a new favorite word. How dope is that! Dope... hmmm. The definition of dope is...

-c

p.s. I told you this blog would be random and sometimes fairly pointless!