FISTICUFFS FRIDAY: GHOULIES VS JERSEY SHORE

Here's the way I see it. If my ex thinks it's fine to let our impressionable seven year old daughter watch the soulless, mind numbing and morally devoid television show, Jersey Shore, then I can let her watch a horror movie. Now of course I wouldn't let her watch anything gory or super scary for her first horror flick. Something more like a parody on death and all things macabre would be more appropriate. I think that's much more enriching then watching cretins get tanner, babble nonsense and sleep with everything that has a pulse.

So we (my daughter Alex and I) chose a movie that was less spine tingling and more goofy... Ghoulies. Yes, I know it's a terrible movie, but it has these little "demons" that run around in it and I figured she would love them. Well I was right, she totally thought they were cute. The only part that made her eyes bulge a bit was when the bad guys tongue stretched out of his mouth and strangled someone. But I explained that it was all fake and she was just fine.

This random correlation eventually lead me to wonder who would win in a fight between a Ghoulie and a Jersey Shore jack ass. I randomly picked one of the guys to give the Jersey side a sporting chance. I chose the ass hat with the ass hair because he looks like the biggest turd in the bowl.

Let's get to the side by side comparison! Oh and remember, ties earn zero points.

Specs:	Ghoulie	Jersey Shore	Winner
Appearance:	Shiny green	Shiny bronze	Tie
Hair:	Bald	Over styled douche poof	Ghoulie
Body Type:	1/8th human, goblin-esque	Puffy pseudo-buff	Jersey
Fashion:	Naked! (even though on the poster and box it's wearing suspenders)	Dildo wear	Ghoulie
Weapons:	Sharp claws and teeth, demonic powers	Hair spray and tanning oil	Ghoulie
Intelligence:	Subhuman	Subhuman	Tie
Personality:	Mischievous	Guido (which pretty much means none)	Ghoulie
Society:	Demons, dwarves, wizards and the undead	Overly self centered cretin clones	Ghoulie
Leader:	Usually a black magic wielding sorcerer	MTV	Ghoulie
Tally:	6	1	Ghoulie!

This wasn't even a close match. But then again, did you have any doubts? Unholy midget monsters are simply smarter and far more appealing than any MTV endorsed tard could ever be. What they lack in size, the ghoulies make up for in non-douchery. So the moral of the story is, don't be a douche bag or demonic creatures might maul your face.