WEDDINGS

Today I'm going to do some bitching about weddings. So I'm sure there will be some angry girls sharpening their talons and a few guys pumping their fists after reading this.

For those that didn't previously know, I've already had my warm-up marriage. I was married and divorced in my early twenty's. I pretty much chalk the whole thing up to being young, dumb and not paying enough attention to the TV show Married with Children. My memories of that time period are quite faded but I definitely remember the divorce and all of the aftermath that I've dealt with since. So when it comes to getting hitched, I have a red "X" next to it in my log book of life.

I'm not against them, I just don't see what all the bother is about. I didn't get any say in the planning and I barely got to choose what kind of tux I was wearing. But then again it's not for the dude. It's really only romantic to women. I totally understand that it's their chance to be center stage and feel like a princess at least once in their life. But really, what the hell is so romantic about weddings anyways? It costs a butt load of money. You have to dress like an organ grinder and parade around in front of a billion probing eyes. It takes a decent amount of time to plan and it's typically a burden for everyone involved. If it's the event, just throw a "We will love each other forever" party at your house and be done with it.

Then there's the churchy aspect to it. I'm not religious nor do I believe in an afterlife so an ancient, pseudo-spiritual, binding ceremony doesn't really fit me. It's just an agreement to stay faithful until you die. The only real benefits are for tax and income reasons. But if one or the both of you figures out that this merger is decidedly unholy, you have a world of crap to deal with. Nothing stings the pride like a failed marital union. Not to mention you both now have to mark "divorced" on your paperwork… for life. That part I particularly have a problem with. It shouldn't matter to anyone besides you and your significant other if you have ever been wed or not. You're single again not in mourning of your failed marriage, so why be branded divorced? I always feel like a leper when I have to check that box on any paperwork.

Don't get me wrong, I have no problem getting married and I will totally do it again… if it's cool. Like a super cheesy Vegas wedding or getting mated while sky diving onto Mount Everest. But to put so much stock into a quasi-holy ceremony and all the consumeristic dressings it entails is bunk and outdated. Love doesn't need a preacher, boat loads of cash or a fill-in-the-blank piece of paper to make it real. Love is all you need.