I HATE SLEEP

You might be thinking what in the hell kind of statement is that. Let me explain.

We waste approximately one third of each day sleeping which means a third of our life is burned up. So if you live to be ninety then around thirty freaking years were spent inanimate and disconnected from the rest of the world. Time that could be used to enrich ourselves and society. When you add work into the equation, that's a chunk of time absorbed each week by sleeping and slaving away. Taking into account that you just do the 40 hour work week, that's 96 hours out of 168 each week that are lost to this insidious duo. That's 192 days a year gone! You can't delete your work time unless you strike it rich. So the only thing you can cut in your life to have more free time is your sleep. You push the limit but it always catches up and your body has to rest. It's a losing battle.

Then on top of the actual time loss, I liken slumber to death. As your body gets tired and in need of sleep, that's like dying. Your body is breaking down. Then you lie on your "death" bed and close your eyes. Shortly after, your brain stops being coherent. Thus, you're dead. You have ceased to exist to the rest of the world. But that's not the end of the comparison! Why do mornings suck so bad? Because you're being resurrected. You're being ripped from the comforting blackness of limbo back to the land of the living. Body aching, eyes half open, motor skills barely functional, breath stinking, groaning as you escape your nightly burial tomb and amble about very uncoordinated. All traits of a zombie perhaps?

Other things that suck about sleep:

• It makes you vulnerable.
• You have to find a safe, comfortable and quiet location to curl up for a large wasted period of time.
• Terrible nightmares make up the majority of our dreams.
• You have to use up one of your rooms in your home for a matress. Beds and housing space cost money.
• If you don't get the perfect sleeping conditions, it ruins your forty winks, which makes you groggy all day and messes up what little free time you get.
• Everyone looks retarded when they sleep with all the drooling, snoring, flopping around and unusual positions.
• Bugs crawl on us at night and some in our gapping face portals.
• I just really hate being dependent upon anything.

Of course it feels good to recharge your batteries but it only feels that way because your mind and body require it. You might also argue that you get to start a new day with each awaking. But we are perfectly capable of controlling our mood and daily outlook without Mr. Sandman.

Now do you understand why I still bitch and moan like a little kid each time I have to go to bed? I say sleep can kiss my tired ass.