X-MAS HIPPO

I am not a fan of Christmas music. Every year the entire world plays these annoying ditties over and over until I want to dig my ear canals out with an eggnog spoon. One of my sons toys, which he repeatedly pushes the button of, plays "I Want A Hippopotamus For Christmas." This particularly obnoxious song is quite ludicrous. So this little girl wants a poop flinging, bulbous, death beast? I bet the youngster that's singing the song would be a lot less cheery when the "cute" pet hippo was mauling them with its flesh rending teeth and dragging them to a watery doom. So no Miss Gayla Peevey, your ears are not on straight. You're mind numbing tune is ripe with false information that hippos are house safe animals and putting millions at risk. Beware the hippo menace!

*ahem*

 Merry Christmas.

ROT: TOFURKY

It's Thanksgiving and a Thursday? What better time to post a miscellaneous item that fits the holiday and Random Object Thursday! It's been such a long time since I've done a ROT anyways. So I chose the main course of Nicky, Paladin and I's (my daughter Alex still eats meat) feast, the Tofurky. It might look odd but we salivate all year long for this yummy meal. The funny thing is, I still cook my mothers real turkey too. So a dead bird is in the oven at the same time as my testament to veganism. How's that for ironic.

Anyways, Happy Thanksgiving, eat hearty and spread love.

WOODKID - RUN BOY RUN

Woodkid has done it again! This is the second video that he has released and it looks as though it's a series. That's freaking dope as hell. I like the song better in the first one but the video is way more interesting in this newest installment. Just like the first, it's classy, artsy and different. Check it out for yourself:



Every boys fantasy... to have an army of monsters!

NOVEMBER FIRST IS LAME

November 1st is one of the saddest days of the year in my house. It's the day after Samhain. The bats are pulled from the windows, each tombstone is dug up and all of the skewered heads look just a little bit sadder as they are stowed away.

*sigh*

Until next year day of the dead. I'll send you off with a picture of my son sniffing his finger in his Halloween costume, The Dude from The Big Lebowski.

MY HEAD ON A PIKE

This semester in my Sculpture: Modeling to Casting class, we made busts of ourselves them made a mold out of it. I specifically took this course just for this project. I wanted to really learn this entire process because it opens the door to making crazy ass mask molds for my own sick artistic needs. I should have documented the process a little bit better but here's generally what I did or can remember.

 Step 1: Make A Clay Bust (mine is a self portrait)

This part really doesn't need much explaining. Make something out of clay and keep it moist by covering it with wet towels and a plastic bag. This isn't the greatest likeness of myself but it's not bad for my first attempt at a self portrait in clay. One issue was that I had too deep of recesses cut for the eye lids. I'll explain more on why that's an issue later in the process.

Step 2: Cover Damp Clay With Silicone Mixture

Make a mixture of the following:

• 2 tubes of pure silicone
• 4 ounces of naphtha
• 20 drops of glycerin
• dime sized squirt of acrylic paint

The point of covering your bust with silicone is so that you have a flexible mold that you can reuse over and over which will easily stretch off of your final product. Smear that mixture with a brush all over your head. It will take 30 minutes to an hour to dry enough to add more layers. You want add as many layers so as to lose all features. It should look like one big smooth blob of silicone. For mine, it took about 7 or 8 layers. The different colors of paint help to let you know how thick the silicone mold is. Kind of looks like that skinless dude from Hellrasier!

Step 3: Cover Silicone Layer With Plaster

Plaster is the next step. It adds support to your silicone mold because it's too flexible on it's own. You have to put thin metal shims down the middle of the your clay bust. Go along the sides as there will be a line in your clay that you don't want running down your face. With the shim barrier in place, slap on a layer of plaster on one half of your piece. Once dry, carefully pull out the shims and grab an exact-o knife, box cutter or something else mad sharp. Cut smoothly all the way through to the clay along the edge of the plaster line. Next, take some vaseline and smear the edge of the plaster very lightly. Then gunk the other half with plaster. The vaseline will keep the two halves of plaster from sticking to each other. Once that half is dry, you tap thin wood shivs into the crack to pry apart the plaster.

Step 4: Fill The Void

Remove all the clay. You don't have to be gentle as you won't need the clay again. Make sure your silicone is really clean and dried. You should then lube the entire inside... uh huh huh huh. I sprayed a thin layer of aerosol dry lubricant inside of the silicone mold. This is so your filling won't stick so badly to the inside of your mold. Put your two halves together, silicone inside of the plaster, and put a strap around the whole thing so it won't split apart or leak. I used one of my belts and the foam slightly pushed the mold apart so I suggest using a ratchet strap.

Once your mold is prepped and set upright, fill it with whatever you want! Concrete, plaster, tofu... whatever grabs you. I chose expanding foam gap filler because it's cheap, lightweight and easy to apply. If you decide to use this super expanding foam you have two options. First is to cover the end of your mold with something so the foam won't escape and forces itself into every crevice which makes a smoother surface. The second, which I went with, is to leave the hole you pour it into open. This is messy and will ooze out of the bottom. It will get into the crevices pretty well but it doesn't have the pressure built up inside. Thus there will be small air pockets and interesting surface textures. I was going for a macabre look so that's exactly what I wanted. Unfortunately, I didn't take any pictures of this step. I wish I would have as it was really neat looking oozing all over.

Step 5: Finishing Touches

After 24 hours, pop off the strap that binds your mold together, remove the plaster shell and delicately peel off the silicone. This is where you will see if you made too deep of crevices like I did with my eyelids. When I pulled out the foam head some of the silicone ripped off in the highly detailed or deep areas. This could have been avoided if I would have used the lubricant on my first attempt, but oh well.

Now you have a foam head! You can repeat steps 4 and 5 as often as you want now that you have a reusable mold. Lastly comes the decorating. Foam is easy to cut, sculpt, melt, burn, stab and paint into whatever you want. I used Sharpies for most of the color detail work as they're the greatest pens on Earth. I did the final bloody neck touches with craft paint.

I'm pretty pleased with the final product. I wanted a creepy head and that's just what I got. I ended up making three versions and the below was my favorite. Now my skewered heads are an official Halloween installment at my house. Feel free to drive by (1316 N. St. Paul, Wichita KS) and see my lovely display of death! Vlad the Impaler would be proud.

PRE HALLOWEEN BASH 2012: AFTERMATH

Well for those of you that missed our Pre Halloween Bash 2012 last weekend, it was a hit! There were a confirmed sixty-five attendants and that's not counting those that I can't remember. We floated the keg, tore through five cases of PBR and the shots poured down those ice blocks like great Kansas gully washers. There was only one fight incident that almost went down but was avoided once we ran off the culprits. It was at the end of the party around five in the morning anyways, so it didn't ruin things. But after hearing all the good feedback, I do believe we will be doing this again next year. So you've got a year to get your costumes and beer guts ready for an even bigger and badder bash!

Only one person took a small amount of pictures on her cell phone. So unfortunately these are all we have to document the event with.

 

BABY DISPOSAL

Last weekend I went on a trip to Cedar Point to ride some rollercoasters. Long story short, it was awesome. On one of my flights back to Wichita, I found the below sign in the lavatory of the airplane just above the toilet.

*tee hee*

PRE HALLOWEEN BASH 2012

Come one, come all to our first ever Pre-Halloween Bash!

Kegs, ice shot blocks, beer pong, drunken hopscotch, Rock Band, loud music, tons of room (three buildings on a half acre lot) and of course, plenty of twisted shenanigans.

OPEN INVITE:
Bring as many people as you like and stay as long as you want. Plus, we also have plenty of room to crash if needed.

The only stipulation is that you MUST DRESS UP!
(you don't have to be elaborate or anything)

STECHER ZOMBIE ENGAGEMENT

This was a photoshoot series I did this Summer for the Stechers, Rick and Kelsey. They both dig zombie flicks, especially Rick. So they wanted their engagement photos based around the concept of the undead. Here's the story.

The scene begins with the Stechers on a date to the movies (that's what they did on their first date and many many times after) at the Warren Theater. Upon leaving, they're surprised by an attack of the living dead! You might think they would be running for the hills, but these rotting buffoons picked the wrong couple. This ass kicking pair had driven Rick's Zombie Outbreak Response Vehicle, a decked out cop bike which just so happened to have a couple of corpse fighting instruments stowed away. Needless to say, this small trio of zombies didn't know what hit 'em.

Check out the slideshow below!



There are actually 39 total photos in this series but these were the 19 that really told the story. Plus, that gives those people that know the Stecher's a fun thing to discover in their private collection. On a side note, my brother Richard is the main zombie that the couple first encounters. The other two were friends of Rick and Kelsey. I also want to give big ass props to the make-up work done by Richard Hoffman. You will be seeing the two of us working together again for sure.

I have to admit, this was by far the best wedding related shoot that I have ever done. I love this kind of work so keep those ideas coming! And of course, anyone looking for creative (not necessarily creepy, unless that's what you dig) ways to do standard photos like for engagements, senior photos, business shots, you name it, I'm your man.  

*ahem* 

 Sorry, I had to do a little bit of hustlin' and stick in a shameless plug. I gotz kidz to feed man!

NEW MEDIUM

So I've started expanding my artistic vision as of late and I'm investing in all new pro equipment. I created the image below as a promo poster for another company that wanted to rep what I do. Check it out and see if you can tell what my new art medium is. Yes it's obvious... I just wanted to talk it up a bit.

The magic word is... video. Some of you might have already known since I did it lightly at my last full time day job. But the difference this time is that I can do whatever I want. Ya, ponder on that one a bit.

p.s. I just love that hoodie.

GRAPHIC ARTISTS DEFINED

I was asked in one of my college classes what I thought a quality graphic designer is and what they do. Since I do consider that to be one of my main artistic functions, I thought I should give it a serious response. Let me try to relay my point of view.

Our world is slathered with advertising as far as the eye can see. It infects every part of our daily lives, from the food we eat to the clothes on our backs. It is almost impossible to step in or out of our homes without seeing something tainted by a design. As disheartening as that might seem, take solace in knowing that there are talented graphic designers at the helm. Not all of them are worthy of course, but that can be found with any profession. The most savvy of these creative knights constantly battle with normalcy and banality. Their weapons are computers and tablets, sketchpads and pencils, all wielded by unbridled minds. Graphic designers are hybrids between artists and businessmen, held together by pure creativity and raw problem solving skills. So instead of seeing our culture as polluted by design, perceive it as a world made more interesting by art.

To some, graphics artists seem like sell outs, peddling their creative minds and artistic talents to anyone with a wad of cash. But instead of seeing them as imaginative whores, they should be revered as champions for modern art. They took a lifestyle that was synonymous with the odd who were always struggling to scrap together a living and adapted them into respected professionals that can make a steady and decent living. As a result, they are now heeded as creative authorities. Their talents are in high demand and their skills can now be honed in esteemed colleges across the globe. This essentially means that fresh minds are marching into society on a yearly basis, bringing new concepts and brightening our communities with visual refinement. Thus if I were asked what a good graphic designer does, I would declare with fervor that they make every inch of our world beautiful and do so with dignity and respect.

PALADIN SAYS DADDY

I know it's just another baby video and everyone thinks their baby needs to be recorded 24/7. I really don't buy into all that. But I had to be a little selfish, cash in a "proud father" token and capture this moment. My son Paladin has said dada a plethora of times but it has always been mainly chattering. This is the first time that he really said daddy, which is then followed by the standard growling that he does so often. Oh and this is just two weeks shy of his first birthday.

Sorry for the video quality. I didn't have the 7D on hand, just my crappy phone.

DEFUNCT JUDICIAL SYSTEM

We all seem to know that our judicial system is corrupt and defunct. For those that say otherwise at least have some sort of basic fear or distrust of the law. What's worse is that it's taught in colleges across the country that we live under a broken system. I say this because I've attended two different colleges, a community college in Virginia and a state university in Kansas, and each had multiple professors that championed it's ineffectiveness. 

What I don't understand is that if most people have issues with the law and professors are teaching that it's a broken system, then why hasn't something been done about it? We just keep passing on our crap from generation to generation. Has the peoples real rights and our power to keep our government in check been left that far by the wayside?

I have no real answers because I am but a peon in the grand scheme of things. Though that mentality right there is probably the real issue. We have been bred into weak mindless sheep. But my guess is that most people just simply don't care. Ignorance is bliss. Anyways, it was just a thought.

If we desire respect for the law, we must first make the law respectable.
-Louis D. Brandeis

DILDO BUSH

Last semester I had a basic intro art class, Foundation 3-D Design. In said class we worked with everything from wood to plaster. On one of our earlier projects we had a choice between 4 different concepts /mediums. Everyone in class, and I do mean everyone, chose to do these cute little figurines made of Sculpey. Now of course I always choose a different path so I picked an entirely different task. My project required that I take a flexible semi-enclosed object and fill it with something that changes its form. Like filling a shirt with sand and molding it into something odd. Now before you scoff, this project wasn't my best work by any means. I just thought it was funny. Let me jump right to the final product then I'll explain more.

Yep, that's a dildo bush alright, sitting on my stove. It's not an intricate piece so I won't even attempt to bore you with trivial details. I simply filled colorful condoms (flavored I might add) with ping pong balls and attached them to a red wooden block. How's that for art. Bah!

Filling the condoms sucked. You try taking a slimy, flaccid, hard to hold onto, easily tear-able tube and shove little smooth spheres into it. But it got a good laugh when I unveiled it in class and that's all that I really wanted. Poke fun at the art institution? Yes please!

BATTLE CREEK MICHIGAN

In my last post I said that I was going to flood my blog with all of the art related things that I have been up to from this Summer and beyond. Unfortunately, I forgot that I was headed to Michigan on Monday to visit Nicky's familly. Another side effect of the trip is that for the most part I am without regular internet access. Thus postings will be delayed until after Monday of next week when I'm back in hot ass Kansas. So stay tuned!

SUMMER BREAK MY ASS

For those of you that check back here regularly to read my odd ramblings and art post updates, you might have noticed that my post frequency has dropped considerably. I used to post 2-3 times per week but now I'm lucky to get even one up every two weeks. What can I say, I've been kind of slacking on the ole blog. The reason? Summer.

This Summer I had to continue my schooling at a full time pace. These are condensed or expedited courses meaning that they take a regular 16 week course and cram it into 4 and sometimes even two. That means more homework and less time to prepare for weekly tests. Some of my teachers accommodated the shortened time frame so you were still busy but not drowning by adjusting the syllabus so it would fit accordingly and still teach what you needed to know. But one of my teachers had us watching a full movie and reading 3-4 ten page stories every freaking night! Needless to say, WSU consumed a great deal of my free time and severely hampered my urge to create new art. Then factor in that I get custody of my daughter during the summer and the new addition of my infant son who both absorb an insane amount of time. First and foremost I gotta be a good father after all! But essentially, those three things pretty much mean that Summer is no longer a well deserved break.

But fret not my friends! I have in fact been creating new pieces and getting new commissions. I just haven't taken the time to post any of them. So stay tuned as I will be barfing up a ton of stuff on here within the next few weeks.

WOODKID - IRON

This video/song is my newest obsession. Simple, classy, artsy, dope as hell and all set to an epic song in dramatic fashion. I can't stop watching this video, especially on my fat ass HD TV. It looks absolutely gorgeous. Plus my son and daughter are completely enamored with it too. They turn into steely gazed zombie when they see and hear that first flag flapping in the wind.

I would totally put this song in my movie... if I ever get randomly funded to make one that is. I would use it for when the hero takes his first defeat  or maybe even dies. The tears would flow, the drama would be high and the guts would be wrenched. But he would show that even if you can't win, you must always stand your ground and spit in the face of your fears. Oh it would be glorious.

Anyways, check it out and enjoy!

GLORIOUS INDEPENDENCE DAY

Random explosions, screeching missiles, roman candle wars, burned finger tips, brilliant fire cascades, singed hair, smoke drifting about and screams of joy all in the name of our independence.

High five Fourth of July, high five.

GRAPE HARVEST 2012 - 1ST BATCH

After keeping an ever vigilant watch, fighting off hordes of birds and plenty of hard work and lovin', my very first batch of homegrown grapes was ready today. So Alex and I hit the vines and snagged about a little over a third of what was ripe enough to pick. We ended up with what looks like about 2 pounds of grapes! I separated, washed and froze them until I get the entire years harvest. Then... it's wine makin' time.

What an awesome fourth of July bonus!

KID SNOOZE

Just a quick thought but, one of the best things ever has got to be getting to snuggle and snooze with your kids.

MOBILE GAMES

My nuclear family and I ran into the monstrosity that you see below down at the Wichita River Festival a couple weeks ago. I snapped a pic of it with my phone out of sheer disgust then completely forgot about, it until now. Basically they get people (I say people instead of young-ins since grown ass adults seem to do this too) to leave their video games at home and come out to a public festival so that they can pay money to play video games outside. I thought the point of an outdoors celebration was so we can be doing exciting things with our community that we can't do at home?

REVIEW: PROMETHEUS

Short (Semi-Spoiler Free) Verdict

Impetuous scientists race to another world to find the beings that made us. But as every Sci-fi junkie knows, aliens rarely play nice and deep space trips always go awry. Predictable and ripe with cliche's but it's still a pretty entertaining space flick. This is a good movie to see at the theaters on a huge screen and extremely loud.

Movie Stars: ★★★★☆

Full Review (SPOILER ALERT)

Ridley Scott, the man behind Aliens, has brought us a prequel to the Alien movies... kind of. But before I get the Alien connections, let me tell you what I found retarded.

My biggest complaint was the cliche and moronic scientists and crew. First of all, they were probably all far too young. Couldn't the insanely rich Weyland corporation afford the best of the best in each field? Then you get to each character individually and there are some serious flaws.

The geologist was a money hungry Neanderthal with tattoos all over his head. This totally makes sense because there are lot's of experts out there that look like they came out of Braveheart.He contributes by mapping out the area yet he still gets lost? The biologist was also a joke. When confronted with a new lifeform, he makes goo-goo noises at it until it attacks him. It reared up like a damn cobra and he wants to pet it?  Worst. Scientist. Ever.

The rest of the crew just bumbled around making rash decisions and acting extremely unprofessional. Sex was rampant and everyone acted like they were on a trip to Hawaii. If I land on a uncharted planet, I'm going to assume everything is hostile and be on point at all times. Plus there was no security personnel on board. The owner of this insanely rich corporation is on the ship and he doesn't even bring a body guard? At least they had the forethought to bring a few flame throwers and guns.

Then you get to the robot David which didn't act like a robot at all. For a cybernetic organism that should have some sort of ingrained safety and scientific protocols built in, it sure did act without regard to itself and others quite often. It kept opening doors before the team was ready and touching potentially infected things. Then it kept smiling all the time, giddily played with the star chart and it dyed it's hair? Sorry Michael Fassbender, you sucked in this role and your character was lame.

Lastly, I want to bitch about the lead chick. She did fine in her role but they had her doing stupid and impossible stuff. Later in the film she has a cesarean to remove a squid baby while completely conscious. Immediately afterward she hops right up, goes running, jumps chasms and even gets slugged in the gut. Even if she could bypass the pain with drugs and sheer willpower, those staples would have ripped out. She would have bled to death in her space suit after her first space jog.

Our creators, The Engineers, were pretty cool though. I like that they never spoke. The only issue that I really had was that they used a freaking flute to start a star ship. That's just stupid. But they looked rad, were pretty bad-ass physically and their suits were cool and that leads me right into my connection with the Aliens movies.

The associations were there, just not exactly like it was in Aliens series. The bacteria pods looked like face-hugger eggs and there mural on the wall looked remarkable like a xenomorph from Aliens. The Engineers ship was almost just like the one they found on LV-426. For those that don't know, LV-426 was the planet where Sigourney Weaver first came into contact with the acid blooded creatures that we all know and love. Even the Engineers suit and control room was damn near identical to the one in Alien. Then of course the Weyland corporation has had their hand in all of the movies.

What I don't get is the bit about the zombie geologist that comes back to attack the ship. Everything else points that we are just hosts for killer creatures. The one infected guy coming back as a mindless juggernaut of death is out of place. Were the Engineers making us the bio-weapon to kill ourselves? Was the xenomorph a miscalculated side-effect? Ridley, get your shit straight.

This was still a very entertaining movie even with it's traditional Hollywood blunders. The effects and sets were awesome. The story wasn't super original and it was a little predictable though I very much enjoyed the whole "Where did we come from?" aspect. This movie just needed some tweaking.

The moral of the story was that dicks beget dicks so whoever made us must be flawed as well. Aliens are just as shitty as we are.

Poster Examination

This poster isn't bad but it doesn't say much. Are we looking for huge statues and if so, is this a futuristic Indiana Jones? I'm a fan of not giving away too much but this needs something else to let us know that it's space or alien related. Even the tag line could be misconstrued that we are searching for our cavemen ancestors. But the poster itself is well designed and looks neat so I have to rate it fairly high.

Poster Stars: ★★★★☆

Trailer Analysis

This trailer was freaking cool. The music was daunting, powerful and creepy. Then they showed enough outer space stuff and action scenes to get you interested yet they didn't reveal any of the aliens themselves. Best of all, they didn't use any stupid voice overs or cheesy lines. High five!

Trailer Stars: ★★★★★

PANCAKE MIX

I hate it when I get to the bottom of a box of pancake mix. It's always disproportionate water and mix fractions that I have to figure out.

It's early Sunday morning and you have hungry kids screaming at you.
You open the box of pancake mix and realize that it's almost empty.
There's just under two thirds of a cup of mix left and the recipe calls for two cups.
The recipe also normally takes one and a half cups of water.
How much water do you need to remove to correctly make delicious pancakes?
What do you do hot shot?
What do you do?!

Having to do math in the morning sucks goat nads. If only they weren't so damn yummy.

RISE UP

Tom Morello from Rage Agaisnt The Machine rocking with Cypress Hill?!
Now that's bad fucking ass.

HIPSTER

In my Sociology class, the teacher was going around making out loud assumptions about the students. He was trying to show all of the obvious things about people that are clearly visible status symbols. He was touching on clothing, hair styles, jewelry and even what type of drink that person happened to have.
Most of the observations dealt with clothing. There's a sporty basketball chick with a Nike shirt, shorts and shoes, a well-to-do middle aged woman with a big wedding ring and of course, the standard plenty of people in WSU apparel.

After hitting most of the class, he made it to the back of the class, which is where I reside. One glance at my shirt and he exclaimed "Oh here we go!" Here's a cell pic of what I was wearing that day:

The teacher read my Rage Against The Machine shirt out loud. Then he said I'm probably fairly counterculture and that my political views were most likely non-traditional. His first question was "Do you drink PBR?" to which I laughingly agreed.

"What would you say he is class?" he asked "The hat, the hair, the Converse shoes..."

One preppy kid voiced, "Uh... a hipster?"

"Ah OK, a hipster!" the teacher said. "How does one become a hipster?"

I replied "Hell I don't know. I guess it just happens?"

I was a bit taken back as you can tell from my weak retort. Honestly, this is the first time that I have ever been referred to as a hipster. I didn't know if I should be pissed or pleased! So what does one do to verify and get informed? Google that shit! Here's what Dictionary.com had to say:

hip·ster
noun Slang
1. a person who is hip.
2. hepcat.
3. a person, especially during the 1950s, characterized by a particularly strong sense of alienation from most established social activities and relationships. 

That really changes my perspective on the issue as not one of those three definitions are bad. I always just assumed that hipster was a derogatory term. I thought it was some jackass trying to be cool with his guitar but was really just a douche with a ponytail. I guess I was wrong! So even though I'm not one for labels, I suppose I can accept that title loosely. But still, just because my hair is longer and I rock band shirts that must mean I drink Pabst? How odd.

That reminds me, I need to do a PBR run.

MOTHER'S DAY 2012

I made my mom a card for Mother's Day with a witty little poem about her on it. Just in case you can't read my chicken scratch hand writing, this is the rhyme:

You don't like bugs and you rarely wear shoes.
So if you find a spider, I'll step on it for you.
Happy Mother's Day
-C

She really, really hates spiders. She also really does like being a barefoot hippie.

NEW OLD SPLASH

I decided that a great big gas mask on my splash page might just scare away the more delicate potential clientele. I used to just be in the "screw those lame stiffs" mindset, but money is money. I now live in Kansas and I have to slightly adapt to my surroundings. Around these parts, counterculture can be dumbfounding and downright terrifying to the average Joe. Of course I will always have my edgy art but I'll just lure them in the door with something that won't scream freak show right off the bat.

So I brought back an old image that I used to use as the main background image for the entire site. It's a piece I call "Old World Portal." To me it still feels weird yet strangely beautiful at the same time... just like me!

RIP MCA

Today my heart is truly saddened. Adam Yauch (aka MCA) of The Beastie Boys died at the age of 47. He was a pioneer in the realm of hip-hop and he will be missed.

I've been jamming BB tunes since middle school. I still have three cassettes in my truck that I still blast on the regular. This week amigo, I will rock nothing but The Beastie Boys in your honor.

SOUP SLURPER

I want to complain about someone in particular but without any names. I don't actually know this kid, I've only seen him around. But he's always really full of himself and overly trying to draw everyone's attention. It's the same dude who annoyed the piss out of me at the last WSU wearable art show competition that I was in. This was pretty much a costume contest. What was his costume you ask? He stripped down to his underwear and shoddily painted words all over himself. My brother asked him what he was supposed to be and his response was "I am the embodiment of your nightmares!" Yes, because I'm deathly afraid of nearly naked idiots.

You might be thinking that his performance must have been amazing. Unfortunately all he did was play Counting Bodies by A Perfect Circle and then flopped around on stage like a twicthy retarded zombie. My four year old niece is more creative than that. In the end, he won second place in the category of sound even though his costume didn't make any. The DJ simply played a song and he stomped around a bit. There were so many other entries that were far more thought out and executed. I kind of felt like it was all a WSU popularity contest instead of an art competition.

Anyways, I'm only bitching because he sat next to me in the computer lab slurping his soup and splattering it all over. I'm just a stickler for table manners and respecting the other people that are forced to sit around you.

GREEN PUMPKIN PHOTO ART STYLE

Nicky and I have been debating on what our joint photo business' styling theme should be. I made up these two posters as a reference. So give me your thoughts!

Art Deco/Surrealism (left) VS Constructivism (right)

POOP SCRIBBLES

There's just something really therapeutic about scrawling things on bathroom walls.

MAN VAN

I've been wanting a new ride for quite a while. My Blazer is a piece of crap and it needs far more work than it's actually worth. I'm pretty much going to drive it until it explodes and then sell it for parts on Craigslist.

I've been trying to decide what to buy. I want something I can haul stuff in since I have so much photo equipment and I'm an avid thrift store shopper of random stuff. So I was assuming that I had to buy a truck or an SUV. But wait... there's more!

Next month my brother and I's little immediate families are taking a road trip to the Ozarks. We are doing some camping for Nicky's birthday. That's when it hit me. Why not a van? It's big enough to fit all of our troops in it comfortably plus I could still lug around payloads of junk. But I definitely didn't want a minivan. Then I found this baby. A 1989 Ford Club Wagon. Powerful. Durable. Huge. Manly. All for the bartered down price of $1200.

I do beleve this calls for a "HELL YES."

I'll then follow that up with a "GET SOME."

WEBSITES LEFT AND RIGHT

Nicky and I have been talking about doing a joint photography business for some time now. We just never sat down and put our minds to it. We just recently came to a mutual decision on what to call ourselves. So last night I decided to just go ahead and buy our web addresses.

I set up Nicky's own web address for Photo Flo Photography so it wouldn't have the lastdeviant preface anymore. I also bought and set up a coming soon page for our joint venture called Green Pumpkin Photo. Why Green Pumpkin? My nickname for her is Green Bean due to her favorite color being green and she's also thin like a bean. Her pet name for me is Pumpkin because I just can't get enough of pumpkin flavored food. From pancakes to beer I love it all. So we mushed them together! It sounded catchy and fun and that is exactly what we want our clients to think. So stay tuned for further updates on our new business.

On a side note, I also updated the Pretty and Illustrations sections with new works so go check 'em out!

TRASHY TABLOID TALK SHOWS

Occasionally when I come home from class I catch a tidbit of some trashy tabloid talk show that Nicky has on. As I watch these foul things that are unfortunately called humans, I am filled with incredible amounts of disgust. They are horrible parents, awful to their fellow man and all around worthless moronic scum bags. Their diction and dialog is so incredibly bad that it makes me dumber for having heard it. They scream, yell and can't wait to blab they stinky mouth holes at anyone in sight. When it comes to their morals, the words reason, accountability and selflessness are not in their vocabularies. The worst part about it is their kids. The parents bicker, fight and drag these children through hell. It's ruining their lives and creating little versions of themselves that will grow up to be wastes of space. The cycle of scum just keeps on churning and I weep for humanity.

Every single one of the vermin that crawl up on that stage should taken somewhere far from the rest of civilization and buried up to their necks in dog poo. Even if we can't wipe them from the Earth, we should at least consider mass sterilization.

SELF ILLUSTRATION

I mentioned a couple weeks ago that I had to do a self portrait for my Design II class at WSU. I created mine in ode to the Art Nouveau style all in Illustrator. Of course, mine isn't all swirly and girlie like most pieces by Mucha. I went for a loose interpretation that's semi-creepy, hence the spider webs, gas masks and missing eyes. I wanted it to feel like an old circus poster or theater playbill. Anyways... check it out!

PEOPLE SUCKING ON EASTER

Nicky wanted to stop at Dollar General to snag some hooks for the studio. I waited outside because Paladin was sleeping in his car seat. It was a beautiful day so I chilled outside Paladin's door and played with my phone. As I killed time playing solitaire, I also furtively watched the other patrons come and go. What I saw in the five minutes I was outside made me weep for humanity.

Terrible attire and freaky looking people aside, it was two acts in particular that spurred my disgust. One white trash dude in a camo ball cap blew a fat snot rocket right in front of the entrance. He then proceeded to wipe off the excess goo on the front of his shirt. As he looked up from his putrid slime fest, he noticed that I was watching and saw my obvious nausea. He acted like it was no big deal and jumped into his rusted out shit box of a truck.

Next up was a large Hispanic woman and her two kids. She had bought them toys and on their way out of the store they were tearing into them. Without a second thought, they just tossed their trash on the ground in the parking lot. The mother tore into her chocolate covered pastry and followed suit with her wrapper. None of them attempted to look for a trash can even though there were two of them within three feet. I stared her dead in the eyes and then glanced back and at the trash and said " Really?!" She looked away as if she didn't understand and drove off in her smoke billowing minivan.

Doesn't anyone give a shit about other people or the world around them anymore? Is it socially acceptable to trash ourselves and our environment? For me and my family it sure in the hell isn't. Wost of all, it's Easter. I'm definitely not religious but shouldn't this day be held up to higher standards for all those God fearing folk?

Anyways... fucking scumbags.

PORN AND BEETHOVEN

Today I had an interesting and quite humorous time in my History of Western Music class. As I headed up the stadium seating towards the back, I noticed that the guy all the way to the side had his laptop open. This is normal, but what was playing full screen wasn't. It was porn. Full on raunchy porn!

I'm the only guy behind him and he didn't pay me any mind. I guess I look like someone that wouldn't care, which I don't. But there he sat, headphones on, for the entire class. The best part of it was that we were learning about Beethoven. So as the teacher is loudly blaring Ludwig's 6th symphony, I get to enjoy it to a dirty flesh marathon over a fellow students shoulder.

Definitely a memorable experience.

DESIGN II FINAL PROJECT

The final project in my Design class is a self portrait that can be done completely in Photoshop and/or Illustrator just so long as it fits a well know art movement.

*muahahahaha*

Teacher, I accept your challenge.
Fellow classmates... IT'S ON.

I think I'm going to go with Art Nouveau. I've always adored Alphonse Mucha so be prepared for a new illustration that pays homage to the image below. Naturally, it will be much darker, manlier and loaded with my odd yet tasty flavor.

BEER SAVINGS

Lately I have been working on finding easy ways to cut Nicky and I's frivolous and unnecessary expenditures from our budget. I started buying food that we regularly use in bulk like dry beans and rice. We dropped excesses fees from our cell phone plans. We nit picked our insurance. But I felt like I personally could do more. I decided that to throw in my own bit of instant savings I would hack at my drinking budget.

Now to be clear, I will never ever give up drinking. If prohibition were to come back in full force, I would be fighting for the side of the bootleggers without a second thought. So instead of suffering by cutting back on my consumption level of sweet devils water, I found a compromise. I decided to not buy the pricier brews that I love so much like Shiner or Sam Adams. Instead, I'll just buy good ole' Pabpt's Blue Ribbon. Now before you start making the bitter beer face, let me explain why. It's American and not part of the big three money hungry beer conglomerates. Plus, I think it's slightly tastier than Bud, Coors and Miller anyways. It's also cheaper than those other turds anyways. On average, PBR costs roughly seventy cents per can as opposed to Sam Adams sitting at around a dollar thirty three per bottle. I can get twice as much beer for the same price?!

Take that recession.

I also told Nicky that when I feel like getting retarded drunk, I'll just go back to drink forty ounces of malt liquor. They're definitely not the greatest alcoholic beverages but when a nickel is not worth what it used to be, ghetto rules take over. As an added perk, it makes me feel kind of gangsta. Dat shitz iz mad cheap yo!

BABY FOOD

As I'm cooking, pureeing and freezing my son's food, it shocks me how bold the colors are. Not a single additive has been slipped into my boys num-nums, just wholesome fresh veggies. It's so much cheaper than buying it already made off a shelf. Plus, do you really know what's in there? I mean just look at how vibrant his peas and sweet potatoes are!

It sure makes me loath processed food that much more.

OLD MAN

This if for all those hard working fathers out there.
Past, present and future... much love.

KILLER COOCH

I feel like being a little crass, so here goes nothing. I saw on MSN today that smelly things for a vagina are bad. I quote:

"Like douches, scented tampons, sprays, and pads can do more harm than good, potentially leading to infection and vaginal irritation."

My suggestion? Wash your cooch. I gotta wash my mushroom and potatoes, so it's only fair.

Now back to your regularly scheduled well mannered artist.

CAROUSEL

Sitting solo on the side of the rink, I observe the chaos. Droves of little kids gleefully squeeling with wheels strapped to they rubbery legs. They try so deperately not to lose their balance and topple to their rumps. With every fall I choke back a giggle. The parents converse about trivil topics and crack fake smiles to one another. Decked in their dated and hideous garb, they mindlessly nod their heads to the pop garbage blarring overhead. I'd play video games but all that is working is skeeball and hoops.

Normally I would be internally screaming in this little pocket of hell, but today is different. I gleefully sip my slurpee with a mountainous grin. Why? Because my daughter is having a blast with her friends at a birthday party. That massive smile of hers makes all the rest fade into the background. Plus, Alex and I wailed at skeeball.

YOU FORGOT YOUR CAMERA AGAIN?!

It's pretty normal for someone to ask if brought my camera at every event that I ever go to. More often than not, I do honestly forget about it. But occasionally I leave it at home on purpose. When someone gives me shit for not having it, I usually just joke around and say "I must be the worst photographer ever!" On the inside though, I'm smirking.

Why?

It's true that my life revolves around art. Photography is indeed my biggest passion but it's also my job. Let's say you're a chef and you slave over a hot stove all day. Wouldn't it get old to be expected to fixed gourmet meals for every event you ever went to? I image even Emeril enjoys getting cooked for when he's not on the clock.

It's nice to just enjoy events like everyone else and not be expected to run around with a lens strapped to your face.