DESIGN II FINAL PROJECT

The final project in my Design class is a self portrait that can be done completely in Photoshop and/or Illustrator just so long as it fits a well know art movement.

*muahahahaha*

Teacher, I accept your challenge.
Fellow classmates... IT'S ON.

I think I'm going to go with Art Nouveau. I've always adored Alphonse Mucha so be prepared for a new illustration that pays homage to the image below. Naturally, it will be much darker, manlier and loaded with my odd yet tasty flavor.

BEER SAVINGS

Lately I have been working on finding easy ways to cut Nicky and I's frivolous and unnecessary expenditures from our budget. I started buying food that we regularly use in bulk like dry beans and rice. We dropped excesses fees from our cell phone plans. We nit picked our insurance. But I felt like I personally could do more. I decided that to throw in my own bit of instant savings I would hack at my drinking budget.

Now to be clear, I will never ever give up drinking. If prohibition were to come back in full force, I would be fighting for the side of the bootleggers without a second thought. So instead of suffering by cutting back on my consumption level of sweet devils water, I found a compromise. I decided to not buy the pricier brews that I love so much like Shiner or Sam Adams. Instead, I'll just buy good ole' Pabpt's Blue Ribbon. Now before you start making the bitter beer face, let me explain why. It's American and not part of the big three money hungry beer conglomerates. Plus, I think it's slightly tastier than Bud, Coors and Miller anyways. It's also cheaper than those other turds anyways. On average, PBR costs roughly seventy cents per can as opposed to Sam Adams sitting at around a dollar thirty three per bottle. I can get twice as much beer for the same price?!

Take that recession.

I also told Nicky that when I feel like getting retarded drunk, I'll just go back to drink forty ounces of malt liquor. They're definitely not the greatest alcoholic beverages but when a nickel is not worth what it used to be, ghetto rules take over. As an added perk, it makes me feel kind of gangsta. Dat shitz iz mad cheap yo!

BABY FOOD

As I'm cooking, pureeing and freezing my son's food, it shocks me how bold the colors are. Not a single additive has been slipped into my boys num-nums, just wholesome fresh veggies. It's so much cheaper than buying it already made off a shelf. Plus, do you really know what's in there? I mean just look at how vibrant his peas and sweet potatoes are!

It sure makes me loath processed food that much more.

OLD MAN

This if for all those hard working fathers out there.
Past, present and future... much love.

KILLER COOCH

I feel like being a little crass, so here goes nothing. I saw on MSN today that smelly things for a vagina are bad. I quote:

"Like douches, scented tampons, sprays, and pads can do more harm than good, potentially leading to infection and vaginal irritation."

My suggestion? Wash your cooch. I gotta wash my mushroom and potatoes, so it's only fair.

Now back to your regularly scheduled well mannered artist.

CAROUSEL

Sitting solo on the side of the rink, I observe the chaos. Droves of little kids gleefully squeeling with wheels strapped to they rubbery legs. They try so deperately not to lose their balance and topple to their rumps. With every fall I choke back a giggle. The parents converse about trivil topics and crack fake smiles to one another. Decked in their dated and hideous garb, they mindlessly nod their heads to the pop garbage blarring overhead. I'd play video games but all that is working is skeeball and hoops.

Normally I would be internally screaming in this little pocket of hell, but today is different. I gleefully sip my slurpee with a mountainous grin. Why? Because my daughter is having a blast with her friends at a birthday party. That massive smile of hers makes all the rest fade into the background. Plus, Alex and I wailed at skeeball.