2010 REVIEW

So I know I started this on the 31st of July this year but I reckon I will do a year in review anyways.

Let's see... well there have been 67 posts including this one so far. There have been 22 random objects shot and mildly explained including a hand grenade, The Hobbit and a penis mold. I've ranted 18 times some of which were about dirty toilets, slavery, not being a dick and my petty dislike for bows. There have been 13 video posts showing everything from Bioshock 3 to The Prodigy. I also just realized I blogged about Tron Legacy related topics 3 freaking times!? Oh man... sorry about that. What can I say, I was excited!

My main point is that I am extremely glad I started this blog. It let's me vent, release even more of my demons in a healthy way and is yet another creative outlet. In the process it gives you readers something to giggle, scream or get up in arms about. I appreciate all of you who keep coming back for more of my silly ramblings and who actually find it interesting to know more about the arbitrary artist who is lastdeviant. Keep spreading the word and I hope 2011 will rock way harder than 2010 did, for all of us.

Much love, friends.
-C

ROT: SWITCHBLADE

Everyone should carry a knife on them. I feel like I'm missing an essential piece of me when I forget my blade. Think of all the uses!?

Caught in your seat belt in a car accident? Slice! Need to rend the meal you just caught? Hack! Can't open your pack of bubble gum? Slash! The Joker got you backed into a corner and the end is in sight? Stab!

I think you see my point. Get it... point!?
*ahem*
Never mind.
This one is a ten dollar piece of crap I got online but it still does the job.

FINAL WORDS ON TRON LEGACY

I have officially watched Tron Legacy on the worlds largest IMAX 3D screen two times now. Thus, I think it's time to give my final thoughts about this flick that I was salivating over for such a long time. I will be productive so as I bitch about something I will give my suggestion on how I would have fixed it if I were involved in the making of this movie. I know this is a bit of a lengthy post but if you give two shits about Tron, it's worth the read. Also, please comment and let me know how you feel!

***SPOILER ALERT***
DON'T READ ANY FURTHER IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE MOVIE YET

Jarvis - Lead Evil Lackey

• Problems:
  The weaselly second hand man of CLU, Jarvis was a freaking turd and a half and had absolutely no purpose. As my friend Ben so eloquently put it, he was like how Starscream was to Megatron back in the old Transformer cartoon days and was just about as useful. I didn't like his stupid, bald, rat-like head or that clear screen thing he had attached to it either.
• Solution:
  Delete his ass from the script or make him cool and have a unique power. If there is to be a second/third hand man it should be someone solid and hardcore. The bad guys need to seem like an insurmountable force and the higher the rank of evil, the meaner that mofo needs to be. He should be a mini-boss like Darth Maul/Vader was to The Emperor or how Goro was to Shao Kahn. His battle should be a hell of duel but not as epic as the big man himself. And that was what Tron/Rinzler (I'll get to him in a second) was supposed to be so they didn't even really need to muddle things with this rodent. But see my Kevin Flynn solution for another cool way to use this guy.

Castor/Zuse - Data Pimp

• Problems:
  The trafficker of information and programs/night club owner, Castor, was pointless, wasted precious attention span time and detracted from the plot. He didn't fit the whole feel of the Grid at all. His overly flamboyant character felt really out of place and too forced. I know they "needed" someone to draw out Sam Flynn thereby forcing out Kevin Flynn but they could have done better than this weak character.
• Solution:
  Remove this guy completely (best choice) or make him more calm and collected, not wanna-be gay/Ziggy Stardust. I love gays more than most but you don't have to force one in to fit your politically correct quota. This guy was pretty much the cheesy and unfunny brother of The Merovingian from The Matrix: Reloaded and Revolutions. Ditch him.

Rinzler/Tron - The Enforcer

• Problems:
  They were almost perfect with Tron's character. He was cool to watch, never spoke and did some amazing fighting. I wanted to see a bad ass fight with this guy at the finale not just sinking away to the bottom of the ocean. I did like how he "remembered" that he fought for the user but it was dumb how he did. It just randomly happened in mid battle. Um… seriously?
• Solution:
  Reset or reprogram him like they did with the one random guard Kevin bonked stupidly (*sigh*) on the head. Here's my alternate ending. In the end battle scene on the catwalk before the beam home, make Sam fight Tron. Then as Sam is finally beaten, knocked down and about to be dispatched, he puts his user powers to the test and blasts out the evil reprogramming of CLU. Then Tron changes to the side of good again and steps up to CLU for the most epic program battle of all time. Make them go toe to toe but eventually Tron gets killed or knocked off the bridge to oblivion by trickery or just plain old fashioned overpowering. The skirmish is so intense though that CLU is made really weak. Then Kevin Flynn could just walk up and finally absorb him. Kevin could still die since it's the only way to totally erase CLU and reset the grid. Shed some tears for dad, rejoice that things are golden again and jump into the slipstream with your hot new cyber girl toy. Hooray!

Sam Flynn - Son of the Creator

• Problem:
  I like most of what this boy not-so wonder had to offer save for a couple things. He didn't show off any "user" skills like his father did back in this movies predecessor and he didn't get a chance to evolve, grow into his powers or even shine. He thought outside of the box like a user would by escaping the games but big whoop. There was one scene of him about to kick ass when he was headed to rescue his fathers disc and Quorra but they cut away and showed peoples parts exploding as Jarvis nervously watched through a door. Lame.
• Solution:
  Make him have a pretty good final fight against Tron like I mentioned in the Rinzler/Tron solution above. Maybe make him pump some user juice into his light bike to get the edge in the games. Give him more growing room. I want to see some upgrading. Maybe even let him upgrade himself, again via user bonuses, to be tougher than his dad in some areas. Not all though, because poppa Flynn needs to be always rockin'.

Kevin Flynn - The Creator

• Problem:
  This character only has a few edges to polish. As above, I want more user powers. In the first Tron he can rebuild ships and divert energy beams and what not. All he did in this one was turn off the lights at the club and evetually absorb CLU. His appearance at the disco hall in that ultra dope robe was goose bump material but he didn't lay the smack down at all. I did really like how he sucked in CLU at the end but I wanted more than that. That was the perfect stage for an unforgettable fight scene. I mean you're working the digital realm… run with it and finish strong!
• Solution:
  Use the force, dude. Build something useful. Destroy something on the evil side that's valuable in grandiose fashion. Maybe have a scene where he fights but more of in a defensive and wise "I am the master" kind of way. So maybe during the club scene a cooler version of Jarvis steps up to the plate. Jarvis uses his unique skill that he's been boasting about and possible used on a lesser good guy (sonic boom, ultra ninja sword skills, hyper speed, super fast regeneration, etc.) to best Sam. Daddy then intervenes and defeats him in a way only the original Tron gangsta can. Or maybe make there be just too many bad guys against Sam and Quorra and pops busts out "the user force" to derezze them all somehow. Hell, I can think of a thousand ways to make his persona killer.

Parting Thoughts
I suppose my biggest issues were that there wasn't enough user power exploitation, the ending kind of fizzled and that the plot needed to stay focused. They didn't need much of a script other than prodigal child goes in to save lost father, so just stick to that. It was a bit long and needed to keep the pace up. There were also too many trivial and unneeded characters. Like why show the son of the bad guy from the first Tron, Dillinger, if you aren't going to use him? Want to know what else I would have liked to have seen? Maybe make the Flynn's have to team up to defeat someone or something in some amazing user power combo thingy. Like a Captain Planet/Voltron/Power Ranger "our powers combined" kind of shtick. Have them team up to keep a whole building together like Kevin did to the rectifier vehicle in the first movie. Get Flynn to fight Flynn either completely unknowingly or because they must to defeat CLU somehow. I could go on and on. Regardless, the script could have been better that's for sure.

As I keep saying to everyone who asks how it was, you go see this movie not to have your brain rebooted like Inception but to bask in the visual and audio glory. The cycle races, disc wars and jet scenes were breathtakingly gorgeous and simply outstanding. The sets, costumes and effects were seriously on point. The Daft Punk soundtrack, which of course I own, was absolutely stellar and fit like a glove. The acting and lines weren't too vomit inducing and of course Jeff Bridges was funny and did quite well. I'm also glad they didn't try to squeeze some half ass attempt at a love story in there. So even with the above flaws and a few others that I won't get into, I recommend you go see this movie in 3D and pay the projector guy to kick the sound up a notch or two. It's worth it.
Stars: ★★★★☆

ROT: VEGETARIAN BEANS

Nicky and I got this can of beans from her mother in one of her random goody packages she likes to send. If you read the label you'll notice it says that it's distributed by the USDA. These are Uncle Sam's vegetarian beans! Now her mother doesn't get government assistance so I have no idea where in the heck she got these. How's that for random?


P.s. For those that pay attention, sorry for not posting on Thursday. I got all wrapped up in my daughter coming over and my old friend Ben and his Wife Megan coming to town. But I went ahead and dated this post for Thursday anyways.

HOMOPHOBES

I don't understand homophobes. Why are you so afraid of someone just because of who they are physically attracted to. It's not like they are malevolent people trying to seduce straights into gay-dom. Even if you are hit on by the same sex, shouldn't it feel good that someone finds your smelly ass attractive? Are you really that scared, insecure or frustrated sexually that you're actually offended? I definitely know a lot more devious, dirty and worthless straights per capita. To be honest, I inherently trust gays more than straights because at least they are open to counter culture. They are typically more open minded, free thinking and not stuck in the stone age.

Mostly, it's the really pious that do the majority of the judging. I'm not pissing on anyone's religious beliefs so don't get all butt hurt on me after reading this. Like I always say, to each their own, so believe in what you want. But why make anyone suffer? Aren't most religions supposed to be about caring, compassion and forgiveness? Doesn't "god" who supposedly created us all, love all his children? Even if your religion is one that prays to a condemning and vengeful lord, it's still not up to you to damn people. You're not the boss and never will be. This country was partly founded because we were sick of religious repression. Let's just stick to that okay?

Then you have this don't ask don't tell crap in the military. I know a lot of homosexual service men and women and none are any less willing to fight and die for their country than straights. It's stamped into military brains repeatedly to have pride and integrity yet we ask them to lie, conceal and be ashamed of their sexuality? If bullets were buzzing over my head I wouldn't give two shits if the person next to me had a same sex lover a million miles from there. You are both staving off death. Neither of you is any less dependable.

What really ticks me off though is they even have laws in certain states that make it OK for companies to fire you for being gay. Are you freaking' serious!? Now they're getting it from all fronts! Work, religion, government... I just can't believe that we are still a country full of so many moronic bigots. We promote free thought and expression but if you're gay you shouldn't be allowed to work, defend America or pray?

On the flip side, high five to New Hampshire, Massachusetts, Connecticut, Iowa, Vermont, and Washington, DC. for allowing them to legally marry. If gays want to slip on the shackles of marriage, be my guest! You would think the government would push for the legally joining of two people of the same sex. That's more money for the courts from marriages and divorces and all the other nonsense that comes with exchanging or breaking vows.

Let people be. Stop wasting your life with hate and bigotry and focus on the happiness of your own life. None of us make it out of this alive so spend your time reveling in love.

JEEZ-US AND A BRIDGE

So as you might have noticed I added some new artwork this week. I'll get to their story in just a moment. First let me plug the other updates I've done. I revamped this here blog so whether you see it here on lastdeviant.com or standing alone as lastdeviant.blogspot.com it will shine in all it's dopeness. I also updated Nicky and I's blog Sunday Photo Funday and I got my ass in gear and signed up for Twitter. Man, it's been a busy freaking week. But it felt really good to do some creating and updating so I reckon there will be more to come soon. Now let me get into the details behind the new pics.

The first is a pic of the Hampton Roads Bridge Tunnel shot from the beach below. Nicky and I were wandering around (like we always do) playing in the sand. I actually snapped that baby with my Argus C3. Yes, you read right, I used 35mm. I definitely won't be giving up digital but I do have to admit that it was fun to play with and I like how the shots turned out. I'm sure more film shots will sneak there way in here from time to time.

Then we get to the Jeez-us pic. I actually shot the images for this piece an eternity ago. My good buddy Matt, who posed as the creepy Jeez-us in question, has been bugging me to finish this for months upon months. But I made a promise before I left for Kansas that I would finish it in time for Christmas this year just for him. He and I shot it out behind the Chrysler Art Museum in Norfolk Virginia. We spent that whole day after wards, Matt in full costume, walking around turning heads left and right. Oh the fun we had because frankly my dear, we just don't give a damn.

That makes me miss three things. The beach, Matt and Krampus.

ROT: SPANISH FLY SHOT GLASS

My dear old friend Dennis Ruiz Morales, the Puerto Rican pimp, got me this shot glass while vacationing in the Bahamas. Though I am as white as a piece of rice, floating in a glass of milk, on a paper plate in a snow storm, I still have the last name of Garcia. So his nickname for me was the white Mexican. Thus when he sees something with a hispanic logo on it he just has to get it for me. This little piece of glass and I have seen many a shot of tequila and there will be countless more to come. I would say "Oh the memories we have shared" but I can't honestly remember some of them. Hooray for tequila!

ROT: CHANDRIKA AYURVEDIC SOAP

Chandrika Ayurvedic soap from India is the bomb and is perfect for this weeks Random Object Thursday. This little green bar makes my skin have a glorious aroma that lasts unlike most chemical and perfume ridden soaps. It has coconut, orange, wild ginger, lime peel, hydnocarpus and sandalwood oils all mixed in for the perfect scent. My skin doesn't get dried out either like after traditional cleansers. Best of all, it doesn't contain any animal products nor is it tested on animals, it's all from vegetables. Plus, it's only a dollar at most natural or organic grocery markets like Whole Foods or Organic Food Depot. It's the greatest soap on earth!

Now what about that name? Ayurveda is a word from Sanskrit that translates as the science of life. Ayurvedic spiritual masters believe that all living things are based on underlying energies and Ayurveda was developed to balance them and promote health. So scrubbing my prone, masculine, body with this lathery goodness must be the reason why I kick so much ass and have beaten death more times than I can count. That and I'm a ninja.

ANEURYSM

Monday I found out my coworker/friends fiancé had an aneurysm this weekend. Thus she was out that day so she could be there for him. Yesterday, she called me at home before work to explain why she won't be in again. He's in ICU with pneumonia and strep with fluid in his lungs and not doing well. When he conquers all that he will now also need open heart surgery because of a new blockage in his heart.

She is the one of the nicest girls you could meet (I haven't met him yet but he seems like a good guy) and it just breaks my heart. To make the issue even more soul crushing, they are childhood friends and are engaged to be married in a few months. I think when he first got put on a breathing tube is when it really struck home for me. It brings back old feelings of helplessness. When she called me I could barely keep from bursting into tears. Even now as I write this it's welling up. I can picture her sitting there next to him holding his hand with tears streaming down her cheeks, just as my loved ones did when I was nearly killed in 2008. Stuck in a hospital bed, wires and tubes everywhere, delirious and delusional from nonstop pain and buckets of medications, so helpless and afraid. Your family begging and pleading for just a little more time. The thought of being snuffed out while the love of your life is left to live with sorrow and regret is just too much. No one deserves that and it makes my heart hurt.

I'm not pitying myself but more thinking where is their justice? If a rat bastard like myself was saved then he better pull through, damn it. Anyways, take a second after reading this and send good thoughts Jen and Steven's way. And when you get home hug the hell out of your loved ones.

INTERNET NAZIS

Internet filtering and blocking is fascism, plain and simple. I understand your employer hired you to do a job which you need to be doing while on the clock. On the other side of the coin, you are not a slave or a machine. Everyone needs breaks and a break is a break so let us spend it how we choose.

I think it's ridiculous to control what people look at online while at work. Obviously your albino midget porn probably isn't the best thing to view around your co-workers as their might be an easily offended cretin in your midst. But if your productivity is good and you're a hard worker then what's the big deal? All you're doing is making your employees resent you and cause interoffice tension. Fear and tyrannical control makes a person instinctively want to rebel and work just enough to keep you off their back. Praise and freedom instills a worker with company pride, loyalty and strengthens their work ethic.

Personally, I never take smoke breaks or any kind of typical break. I pretty much stay planted in front of my monitor all day minus refilling my coffee cup or making deposits in the bathroom. The closest thing I like to use as a break is a quick jump over to check my bank account, hurriedly see what new messages I have in Hotmail or check up briefly on Facebook. I used the words briefly, hurriedly and quick on purpose because I typically only "surf" for less than five minutes, tops. It breaks up the monotony of my day and keeps me semi-sane. You can only stare at a screen and do the same repetitive task for so long with out it wearing you down and burning you out. I could care less about smoking, so do as you please. But if you allow people to inhale cancer then why can't I have a moment of freedom online? Is your stance of promoting tobacco death more politically correct?

Companies should pride themselves on caring for their employees and treating them like the adults they are. People who don't want to work will always find a way to slack off with or without the web. Monitor an employees performance and judge them solely on that. Don't hate, appreciate.

---

"Short and unobtrusive breaks, such as a quick surf of the internet, enables the mind to rest itself, leading to a higher total net concentration for a days work, and as a result, increased productivity."
-Dr Brent Coker, from the Department of Management and Marketing

“If you can’t trust your employees, you have one of two problems. You are hiring the wrong people or you are not properly training the people you hire.”
-B.L. Ochman, author of the What’s Next blog

"I think it's (monitoring) incredibly unnecessary and intrusive. Ultimately, I have always felt I'm most productive when Big Brother isn't looking over my shoulder, and someday companies may learn this as well. As long as you finish you work in a way that shows quality in a timely manner, why do you have to be monitored along the way? Who cares if you slack off and play Doom for an hour or two if you can finish an assignment in less time than the guy next to you?"
-Steve Mizrach, former University of Florida Anthropology Department Webmaster

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Want to know more about the war on blocking and filtering?
Check out these links:
StopBlocking.org
Should Your Employer Stop Blocking?

ROT: SHOCK GUM

Prankster. Wicked. Ninja.

These terms of endearment I have been called on several occasions and all of which were spot on. Pulling pranks and pushing boundaries is what makes me grin from ear to ear. This random object helped me achieve a few choice giggles. Most people are wise to me and my treacherous ways but I can still slip in a few here and there. Even after this guy was discovered it was still fun to sit around with my buddies (namely Matt) and pass it back and forth shocking ourselves. So I suppose I know a few other descriptive terms that could easily be applied.

Bored. Weird. Dullard.

HOMELESS CANDYMAN

Poor, poor Candyman. This sad soul, tortured and murdered by wealthy slave owners just never gets a break. The infamous Chicago high-rises of Cabrini-Green where he used to visit families was finally vacated this week. Come February, the last of the buildings will be demolished.

I am personally appalled by the treatment of one of our nations icons. Candyman will now be forced to float from mirror to mirror in hopes of finding new supporters. Did he get a list of where all the previous Cabrini-Green residents were relocated to? Don't they know he needs their support to continue on his quest? Will the city of Chicago offer him a voucher to relocate to a new housing facility? I think our forefathers crimes of cutting off his hand and then slathering his body in honey so as to be stung to death by bees was enough. When will his suffering end?

Even after all this, I have faith in Candyman's strength of will. He is a proud and tenacious man, focused on his dreams and ambitions. One day he will find a new place to call home but until then, keep believing and frequent those mirrors. Sweets to the sweet Candyman.