CAPTAIN CRABBY MODE

More often than not, I am a jovial fellow. I like to spread love and make the world a better place through random acts of kindness. I pride myself on being a people person. But everyone needs their space to stew in irritability from time to time. Life always finds a way to make us all pissy at some point or another. My question is, why is it when you want to be left alone, everyone wants to freaking talk to you? It's almost like the most annoying people on earth get an urgent notice with your exact daily itinerary so they will have no problems tracking you down over and over again.

I'm never rude but my responses are short, to the point and my body language is pretty obvious as well. After I answer your question, I politely turn away from you, go back to whatever it was I was doing, all in courteous attempt to nicely discourage you from annoying me any further. I keep my eye contact to a minimum and I don't smile a lot. I purposely take other routes or wait until people have left my destination before I venture there. I focus on tasks to avoid human interaction.

But no matter what is done, the oblivious cretins who can't read body language and unmistakable warning signs, still have to bug you. If you can't tell when someone wants to be left alone just by looking at them, after the human race has had two hundred thousand years of perfecting non-verbal communication, then you are a retard. I don't want to talk about your cats bowel movements. I don't care if your offspring barfed in it's desk at school. I matters not to me that you drank a case of beer by yourself and passed out watching the funniest episode of Glee or some other mindless TV show last night. I want to be left alone. I don't hate you and I'm most likely not even cross by an issue you were even a part of. I'm angry at something I have no control over. I'm in physical or mental pain, not feeling well, tired as hell or maybe I just don't want to put up with monotonous petty crap. The poo filled possibilities are endless and it doesn't really matter, it's about me and something I want to deal with by my lonesome. Don't take it personally.

So if my brow is furrowed and I don't immediately say hi with a smile like I normally do, then it's feasible that I'm in captain crabby mode. Hence, it's probably best to leave me be. Just a heads up, arbitrary delicious offerings of doughnuts or chocolate that are left where I can find them might appease the beast. Just don't let me catch you there... I might bite you too.