As you may have noticed, I have troubles with authority figures and an inherent distaste for the government in general. Funny thing is, I used to be on Uncle Sam's payroll. So here it is my friends, I was in the Navy. That's right, this rebellious spreader of discontent was once a cog in the United States war machine. Why did I join? Free college was a big reason but mainly because I was stagnant in Wichita and I needed a serious change in my life. I really had no means of ever escaping on my own back then. The way I saw it I had two choices. One, Live and die in obscurity in Kansas. Two, try to make something of myself on the governments dime with the slight chance of biting the big one for my country. I figured what the hell, better to burn out than to fade away. Plus one of my best friends Ben was signing up too so why not.
I have always wrestled with the pride in serving my country and embarrassment of calling myself a deviant yet working for the man. At first I loved it, even in boot camp. It was a new experience unlike any before and I was doing something honorable in my families eyes. All through the training and schooling I continued to enjoy my time as it was pretty much like going to college but with slightly more rules. The physical aspect I was quite fond of too. I partied, met lots of cool people and saw places I probably never would have without the Navy.
The seeds of disdain were growing though as there were an inordinate amount of douche bags, mindless clones, tools and gung-ho moronic pricks wrapped in the same uniform as I. The percentage of actually worth while enlisted people was very low. I started hiding my military status in Florida when I realized the bad taste most civilians had for sailors. I could understand it though due to the frequent contact with these mostly idiotic young men. Their drinking, mischief and abuses was well known and it made life tough for those few that weren't pieces of crap under a dixie cup. That dislike of military types was seriously multiplied in Virginia because of the extraordinarily high amount of bases located there.
When I was a single man, I had to hide it flawlessly or never get a decent date, ever. By then though I was putting up with so much crap from the military and it's "leaders" on a regular basis that I hated life and didn't mind masking it anyways. Eventually I had my fill and honorably got the hell out of there. But that wasn't the end of it. The more I grew as an artist, the more I danced around the truth. The farther I came into my personality which was the opposite of a military type, the more the shame grew. The more contact I had with random jackass seaman around Virginia, the more I hated them and that old version of myself. It kept getting worse and worse. The abhorrence for and concealment of my naval past continued until I finally moved out of Virginia.
Now, I'm tired of burying my bluejacket, old salt, sea dog, shipmate, petty officer and swabbie days. My shame has faded and has now been replaced with thankfulness that I served. It was a job and did not define who I was. I never stopped being who I am or standing for what I believe in. As my mother put it, the Navy just helped sharpen who I already was. I went through the government meat grinder and my creativity and personality were not stamped out. If that's not the ultimate test of a true deviant, I don't know what is. So there it is my friends, I was a squid.
Man, that doesn't even look like me. What a dork. Seems like a million lifetimes ago.
that was you?
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